muflax65ngodyewp.onion/content_blog/fiction/a-course-in-miracles-jack-and-the-beanstalk.mkd

---
title: A Course in Miracles - Jack and the Beanstalk
date: 2012-02-27
techne: :done
episteme: :believed
slug: 2012/02/27/a-course-in-miracles-jack-and-the-beanstalk/
---

There are some movies that are amazing and widely recognized as such, like [Moulin Rouge!][] or [秒速5センチメートル][] (5 Centimeters Per Second).

Then there are movies that are unjustly ignored; yet more victims of the intrinsic evil that is our universe. Let's talk about one such movie - [ジャックと豆の木][]), aka the 1974 anime version of Jack and the Beanstalk.

<%= image("JackandtheBeanstalk1974.jpg", "Jack poster") %>

Like me, you may have seen it as a child. If not, [BakaBT has a good torrent][Jack Torrent] and it's up on TPB and so on as well. Normally I'd advise you to get the original version, but this time I highly recommend the English dub (or the German one if you prefer, as it's about equally good). It's one of the few very rare movies where the English translation is an actual improvement, at least as far as the songs are concerned.

Now go and watch it. I'll wait.

Ok, you probably didn't watch it, so let's recap the plot. Well, it starts like the classic fairy tale, with the boy Jack being sent to sell the family's old cow at a nearby market. Jack, however, meets a magician along the way who cons him into buying magic beans instead.

At home, mother is terribly angry and disappointed that Jack has doomed them to die of hunger. She punishes him and throws away the beans. However, as it gets dark, something strange happens.

Before we get to this awesome segment, it's time for a quick first lesson. *Magic always pays off*. Yes, there are con-men involved and authority figures don't like it, but it's completely real and will happen to you. With messages such as these, it's no wonder I got into mysticism early.

But enough of that, because it's time for the first great song of the movie - the miracle song.

<%= youtube("http://www.youtube.com/v/Y6JGfeOfYCo") %>

The beans open and the beanstalk grows, a huge tower reaching up into the heavens. But that's not the cool part. It's the *lyrics*.

> *Skeptic voice:* There's nothing going to happen, // you're silly if you think it might.  
> *Gnostic voice:* But always there must be a time when dreams come true.  
> *Skeptic:* If you believe such nonsense, // you'd better dream your dreams at night!  
> *Gnostic:* A miracle can happen anytime to you!  
> *Skeptic:* The only miracles are in the storybooks // and they are *lies*.  
> *Gnostic:* But some of us know secrets // that we are not confiding.  
> *Skeptic:* All this is very stupid, // we'll forget such rubbish if we're wise.  
> [...]  
> *Gnostic:* Wonders come if you let them!  

"The only miracles are in the storybooks and they are lies." is my favorite line ever. This little dialog is like the whole history of mysticism. Are the old miracles real? If we practice, if we learn the secret teachings the ancients knew, will we experience them? I find it fascinating that within the movie, *both voices are right*. Yes, all the stories are lies. The magic beans were sold by a con-man who most likely didn't believe in them himself. Yet, Jack has faith in them (though not much - he has faith in magic *in general*, not in the beans in *particular*) and they actually work. They lead to a mysterious, unknown and ultimately very dangerous place.

This fundamental dilemma - both the skeptic and the gnostic being right at the same time - is exactly the dilemma of my life. All religions are false, the prophets delusional, lying or even fictitious, yet somehow, *some of the stuff actually works*. Not in the way it's advertised, mind you, nor is there any informed consent involved. Jack didn't know what the beans would do or where the stalk would lead. Nor did we drug-using meditators know what the stuff would do to our minds. 

But miracles do happen. Weird, unexpected, uncontrollable miracles, but miracles nonetheless. If you never trust the beans, judge only the people who sell them, you will never find out. This is why the tarot deck starts with [the fool][Tarot Fool]. It takes reckless stupidity to ever attempt any magic. No wise man would ever do it.

Jack, fortunately, is not particularly wise.

A little mouse wearing a pink dress falls down the beanstalk and is (inadvertently) saved by Jack as he inspects the giant tree-like structure in his backyard. The mouse is obviously very distressed and begs Jack and his loyal friend, Crosby the dog, for help. So up they go.

After a night of climbing, they finally reach the top, as the beanstalk connects to an old well in the magical castle. There they meet Princess Margaret, who is obviously in some kind of trance, or at least stoned. Jack introduces himself and she tells him that her parents were killed by an evil witch. Despite that, she is very happy because tomorrow, she will marry the wonderful Prince Tulip.

Here's her song.

<%= youtube("http://www.youtube.com/v/-UruF7vu3JM") %>

It's hard for me not to gush about how wonderful this movie is. But this song? Seriously takes the cake. It perfectly captures everything-is-perfect-I'm-so-high-right-now happiness, and even better than that, it shows the fundamentally *delusional* and *creepy* nature of this happiness.

This song is the truly important lesson of the movie, the thing that makes it stand out from any other fairy tale. It makes you *distrust love*. Overbearing, selfless happiness is not good; it's the sign of a deep sickness. When the world lies in ruins, you should *not* be singing about how wonderful your husband-to-be is. 

And the movie does it all without being cynical. Jack is always optimistic and cheerful, Margaret is sympathetic and the victim of a curse. There is no "I'm better than delusional society" nonsense here, only a world that was overrun by an evil too powerful to be stopped. But as unfair and cruel as the universe is for allowing this evil to exist, there are also heroes, but we will come to them later. They will have to prove themselves first. For now, we merely notice all the harm this evil has caused.

Putting deep-seated distrust of happiness, love and marriage into children's hearts. That's my kind of story.

Margaret takes Jack and Crosby to meet Madame Hecuba, Prince Tulip's mother. As you probably have guessed, she's the evil witch. And Prince Tulip? A monstrous, man-eating giant.

<%= image("nlamnqf7jg.jpg", "Tulip and Hecuba") %>

Immediately, Hecuba decides she's gonna eat this boy. Heck, that's what witches *do*, can't blame them for that. So she tries to be as charming and friendly as she can be with a Level 15 Fear Aura following her everywhere, and invites Jack to lunch. Unfortunately for her, her son Tulip comes home early, smells the boy and wants in on the action. Evil not being all that much into sharing, Hecuba tries to hide Jack, but fails. Other mice, who we now recognize as the transformed former court of the castle, help the protagonists flee in the ensuing chaos and they all make it to the castle's treasury.

And this, again, is where the movie shines because Jack is *not* a typical hero. The mice (and Crosby) try to convince Jack to don a suit of armor and help the princess, but what's his reply?

> *Jack:* Now let me get this straight. I can't stand up in this armor and you want me to fight?  
> *Gang:* Uh-huh! \*nod heads\*  
> *Jack:* You want me to fight the giant?  
> *Gang:* Uh-huh!  
> *Jack:* And you also want me to fight the old witch, is that right?  
> *Gang:* Uh-huh!  
> *Jack:* **Not a chance in the world!**

And with this, he *leaves*.

Yes, seriously. Jack gives them a little number how he's just a farmer's boy and that this is a suicide mission, grabs as much gold as he can carry and *climbs back down the beanstalk*.

Another valuable life lesson: heroes are *stupid*. People who charge evil Gryffindor-style are fundamentally insane. The whole kingdom couldn't take on the witch and her son, but a poor boy with no training whatsoever and a bunch of friendly animals are gonna do it? Nonsense!

And if you can't save the world, you can at least be filthy rich and escape poverty forever. And despite the obvious change-of-mind that will bring Jack back to the castle, the wealth *stays with him*. He and his mother will never go hungry again. This is what heroes always forget in their great adventures - the suffering of the common people that get to inhabit their worlds. It's a lot easier to [smile][Hanson smile] when you have a goose that lays golden eggs. Purpose fills no stomach.

So Jack makes it back home and it's big celebratin' time. After a night of dancing and bragging, Jack finally hears his friend Crosby's pleas to go back and save the princess. The two climb the beanstalk again and prepare their assault. They consult the talking harp in the treasury, who (after some enhanced interrogation) tells them the secret behind the curse. If someone truly brave and courageous kisses the princess, the spell will be broken and the princess will be free again. (Note please that it's about courage, *not* love!) 

With Jack still wondering if he is courageous enough to try, Hecuba proceeds with her plan to legally annex the kingdom by marrying her son to the only living heir, Margaret, which brings us to the creepiest wedding ceremony in a children's story.

<%= youtube("http://www.youtube.com/v/LMr1nSHDtmk") %>

Take that, unholy vampire marriage scene in [Breaking Dawn][]! This is how it's done! The manipulation clearly shown, the couple revealed as completely delusional (both thinking the other loves them!), the fake nature of [asking someone if they're really happy][Sister golem] plain as day.

I can't add anything to this fantastic scene, so let's just admire it for a bit and move on.

Jack bursts through the window, disrupts the ceremony and after a moment of doubt, finds the courage to kiss Margaret. Finally, the spell is broken and she comes to her senses. Hecuba drops her mask and orders her son to kill them all. Tulip, now furious with jealousy and disappointment, destroys half the castle pursuing them, but our protagonists manage to hide in a well.

Jack asks Margaret for forgiveness. He, a mere farm boy, kissed her, a princess (gasp! caste ideology, in *my* fairy tales?), and worse, he stole all that gold. The princess forgives him and lets him keep the treasure as his reward for saving her. But before they can make any further plans, Tulip finds them and they have to flee again.

This time, Hecuba confronts them and tries to kill them with her magic powers. Unfortunately for her, her son interrupts them, and by now he has realized that he was just as much her pawn as the princess. He doesn't take her insults any longer, snaps and tramples her to death.

Evil has eaten itself.

Jack and Margaret use the distraction to meet up with the rest of the gang. Jack realizes the princess can't come with him (different classes can be friends, but not lovers, after all), so it's time to say goodbye. With the spell now broken, the mice are transformed back into people and the kingdom can be restored. 

The only thing left to do is kill the giant. 

A frontal assault, however, doesn't work, so Jack comes up with a plan. He taunts Tulip until he is consumed by rage again, then climbs down the beanstalk. [Jack is much nimbler][Jack nimble], of course, so he descends at a much faster pace and reaches the ground first.

And after one last hesitation, one last goodbye to a world of magic that will never return, he gets the axe, and with the force of true inevitability, cuts down the beanstalk.

<%= youtube("http://www.youtube.com/v/U35c-uY7GgM") %>

There is no happy ending for monsters, not even ones that love and only wish to be happy. Redemption is a miracle, one that Tulip is not granted. With no stalk to support him, he merely falls to his death. The world is not a fair place.

And with this, our story comes to an end. Jack will eventually forget Margaret and her kingdom, the magic has left and the world goes on. There are no real heroes, no true happy endings, no transformations. Some misery has been averted, yet Hecuba's destruction remains and love is as un-found as it was in the beginning.

When the miracle is done, justice will be restored, happiness will be wiped away and all magic will have disappeared. The best we can hope for is to lead evil to its own destruction. Goodness is forever beyond our reach.

But then, the only miracles are in the storybooks and they are lies.