muflax65ngodyewp.onion/drafts/four_pearls/dukkha.pdc

% On Dukkha

I experience no dukkha.
=======================

What is dukkha? It is one of three marks of existence, according to Buddhism. It
means unsatisfactoriness or suffering, in the sense of an axle of a horse cart
chaving against a poor hole, which is the origin of the word. Overcoming it is
the whole idea of Buddhism, experiencing it is why the Buddha started his quest
in the first place.

I am not using a semantic trick. It is not an exaggeration, not a koan, nothing
like this at all. I mean it, straightforward. **I experience no dukkha**.

This is extremely weird. If I followed some common descriptions of
enlightenment, then achieving it ends dukkha. Thus, if I do not experience it, I
must be fully enlightened. I, however, do not agree with this and decided to dig
deeper.

Maybe I'm just mistaken? The other two marks of existence, anatta (no-self) and
anicca (impermanence) are easy to misunderstand, too. So I got myself the
Visuddhimagga, the (perhaps) greatest scholarly work on Buddhism, written by
Buddhaghosa around the year 430. It describes, essentially, everything there is
to the practice. All teachings and methods presented in a systematic
fashion, including all the details and proper sources. I worked through the
whole thing, memorized everything of merit, tested it against other people.

I understand what dukkha is. I see it in other people, quite clearly. I cannot
find it in me.

The teachers cannot help me anymore. 

Not By Happiness
================

> In the Dhammapada it is suggested that, in order to achieve deliverance, we
> must be rid of the double yoke of Good and Evil. That Good itself should be
> one of our fetters we are too spiritually retarded to be able to admit. And so
> we shall not be delivered.
>
> -- Emil Cioran, De l'inconvénient d'être né (english translation)

Of all the things I believe or consider reasonably likely, one thing stands out
as being extremely unusual. It is not [Trivialism], the [3 Jewels] or
[Nondualism]. Those all have respected proponents or, at least, worthy arguments
going for them.

Tibetan Buddhists make me sick. Their culture is infested by messages of love
and happiness. That which they call enlightenment is mindful heroin. It
extinguishes their mind, leaving them, as the Actual Freedom folks call it,
"happy and harmless". This is the worst state to be in.

Let me illustrate the point. They are wrong about the meta-physical nature of
the world. Choosing between love and hatred is like argueing whether it would be
better to be eaten by Nodens, the Lord of the Great Abyss, or Nyarlathotep, the
Crawling Chaos. It misses the point completely that *you are fucked either way*.
Believing in any moral value misses the point that the universe is fundamentally
empty and uncaring, that it has no goal, no judge and no purpose. If you care
about happiness, piety, dignity, justice or freedom, then you fail to realize
*where* you are! You are like the pagans living in Dante's Limbo, living quite
happy lives, maybe not even aware that they are *missing the point of Creation*!

Clinging to a life, no matter how happy, traps you further in Samsara.

> I've yet to have an experience of any kind - game playing, sexual, food,
> travel - where I said, 'This is the most fun I could ever possible have in my
> entire life. I couldn't imagine, for one second, this being more enjoyable.' I
> never said that.
>  
> -- Gabe Zichermann, talk on Game Design

I actually did. I managed to do exactly this, multiple times in fact. The last
time I reproduced this, when I put down a video game controller and felt as
happy as I ever could possibly hope to be, yet still unsatisfied, I knew it
wasn't just a fluke. There's an upper limit to happiness, I can reach it any
time and it still doesn't make the sucking stop.

This was the turning point for me. I realized that I couldn't just "solve my
problems" and live a happy life. I realized that it was fundamentally impossible
for me to do so. Not officially, not consciously, but psychologically, I became
a Buddhist this day.

This feeling, this essential unsatisfactoriness, which Buddhists call dukkha, is
what I think makes some people get the idea of enlightenment and others not. If
you never felt it, you will not understand what it's all about. I don't know
what actually makes the difference, what is necessary to feel it. Maybe you need
to have lived a carefree and fulfilled enough life for long enough to max out
your personal happiness (like the Buddha or I did) or maybe you need a special
kind of mind to have the patience to actually optimize for happiness and fail,
and have the clarity to realize it. I see no reliable pattern in the kinds of
people to feel it, but if you do, welcome to the path. May it be your last.

The best prisoner is the one that loves their chains.