muflax65ngodyewp.onion/content_daily/log/117.mkd

---
title: Bel-Marduk
date: 2013-06-04
techne: :done
episteme: :log
---

(Wait what? words? I need to write about stuff we did? *Again*? Didn’t I
just… oh well. Fetch me the logs, I’ll docum.. wait, it says there I
mostly did Japanese grammar practice, which I can’t meaningfully talk
about yet, loads of boring-to-talk-about [deliberate
practice](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Practice_%28learning_method%29#Deliberate_practice),
and work, which I bet I’m not even allowed to talk about because we
pretend we’re relevant to the industry? Ok, so can I post a manifesto
then? I have a draft and need to get some of this anger out of… no? What
about metaphys.. also no?

Listen, Mister. I know you had the best of intentions with this “write
about stuff you did because you like explaining stuff, which helps you
actually do stuff”, but we have some better tools now, if you haven’t
noticed, and while this works well for conceptual stuff, most skills are
actually pretty hard to talk about in a meaningful way and learning them
doesn’t really leave neat piles of notes that can be trivially converted
into posts, so now you’re making me do *extra* work here. Can’t we go
back to “deconstruct texts” and stuff? That’s at least
fun.[^back]

Yes I know the rules, I *wrote* them, but even Kant would agree that
some rules can be broken somet.. ok yes he wouldn’t, but you know what I
mean! Look, your paranoia isn’t helping me either! You’re so worried
about distant effects of your actions, you’re not letting me talk about
topics before you’re sure they’re fully under your control, but you’re
still making me adhere to rules that were written under the assumptions
that just documenting whatever happens is way awesome, so don’t you see
the problem here? A lesson? What lesson could you possibly try to teach
me here?

“Sources of validation”?

I see. Yeah that’s really clever of you. So if I don’t break the rule,
I’ll have to find *something* to write about even though I don’t have
anything ready yet. Yeah, I get how this extra work is great for your
complicated plans. But if I just break it? What th.. whoa, that’s a big
graph. That’s *all* conn.. even th.. whoa. Sheesh man, you’re quite the
magician, you know that? Yes I know I joked about how I’m doing acausal
magic when I wrote the rules. I didn’t expect you *meant* that bit! So
if I don’t follow the rules, all.. *that*.. collapses? Well, that’s a
pretty [double bind](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Double_bind) you set
up there. Listen,
[Watzlawick](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Paul_Watzlawick)’s books
weren’t *instructions* how to mess people up. I don’t care that it
works! Don’t
[melon](http://www.koanicsoul.com/blog/2012/06/27/how-to-manifest-whatever-you-want/)
me! There are nicer ways to get what you want. I hate when you cloud
your incentives with magic talk and convoluted narratives. What do you
mean that’s the point?

So it’s actually a triple bind? For all three possible modes of response
- [loser, clueless,
sociopath](http://www.ribbonfarm.com/the-gervais-principle/) - you’ve
set up a demand that transparently subverts it, and is in conflict with
the other two modes. The loser narrative is unbelievable because I can
see the strings, the clueless reward is nonsense because I see you
printing that toy money, the sociopath power doesn’t work because I’m
afraid what using it will do to me. If I use any option anyway, you
still win, and if I transcend their limitations, you also win.

You’re quite the evil fuck, you know that?

…

…so what now?)

---

What’s the saying? If you don’t know what to do, go meta. So I’ll just
document one of my recent Beeminding changes.

Starting on 2013-02-28, I redesigned several things: I’ve started to
switch from open-ended time-based goals to finite task-based goals,
broken my big “do useful stuff” goal into smaller sub-goals, and begun
to add percentile feedback.

I explained some of the goal organization [over on
Reddit](http://www.reddit.com/r/beeminder/comments/1e2duf/muflaxs_beeminder/c9wcevw),
relevant quote:

> I used to just track “productive hours / day” so I don’t sit on my ass
> too much, but I started to substitute more fun projects for everything
> else, so I recently broke that up into various independent groups of
> goals: “science”, “guitar”, “code”, “polyglottery” and “job” (ugh). I
> still track the total too, but that’s more of a nuclear option (with
> the big 90\$ pledge) and I haven’t settled on a good daily goal yet.
> If I’m too harsh on any one goal, it’s more likely I just decide it’s
> not worth it and fail even though I still have plenty of time to meet
> it.

I’ve toned down some of the time-based goals because I found “do stuff
for 20 minutes” not very motivating. There’s no sense of progress and “4
hours” looks so large, I often didn’t even try to tackle it even when I
had plenty of time left. Instead, I’ve begun to convert everything into
a TODO list using org-mode. So for example, I’ve just turned every
chapter / unit of a textbook into one todo item, which feels much more
actionable and is done. (Also wrote [a simple
script](https://github.com/muflax/scripts/blob/master/beeminder/beeminder_org_todo.rb)
that updates Beeminder goals accordingly.[^org])

So far this seems to be more productive, but I’ve not been doing it for
very long. I tried a simple Bayesian comparison of a before/after
dataset, mostly to figure out how R work. I just wanted to use
[BEST](http://www.indiana.edu/~kruschke/BEST/), but the normality of
“useful hours/day” turned out very low, meaning the data doesn’t seem to
fit a normal distribution very well. After looking at a basic histogram:

<%= image("fume_histogram.png", "Fume Histogram") %>

I saw why. While this looks reasonably Poisson-y, I still don’t
understand the underlying assumptions and methods very well, so even
though I could hack together a simple version of “I put numbers into
this magic box and look at these funny graphs it gave me!”, that
wouldn’t be particularly useful.

However, I just plugged my “total useful hours / day” into a simple
Beeminder “weight gain” graph (so that I can track (and then raise) my
fluctuating average), and you can still see two improvements (the first
time I broke stuff down at the end of March, and the second slope when I
transitioned to tasks):

<%= image("fumeavg_graph.png", "Fume Average Graph") %>

(Note that this is zoomed in and cuts off some \>6h outliers. The points
are “total useful time” for each day as logged with my time-tracking
tool, the thin line is a (slightly lagging) average.)

I’m also trying to use this graph and a simple percentile number in
[fume](https://github.com/muflax/fume) to implement [Seth’s percentile
feedback](http://blog.sethroberts.net/2011/05/01/percentile-feedback-and-productivity/),
so instead of just seeing “I did 1.2 hours of useful stuff today”, I
also see how good that is compared to the last week.

I’m not sure yet if it actually works in terms of increasing my
productive time (not enough data), but at least it’s more motivating and
I’ve made significant progress on several projects due to the tiny todos
that feel more like “one more turn” instead of “fix ALL the things!”.

---

I got annoyed with Dropbox mangling my data and so thought, hey my
`~/spoiler` directory (i.e. all my notes, todo lists and drafts) is
already a (huge) git repository with auto-commit, so I could just use
some git solution to sync that between machines. Then all the stuff in
Dropbox is either read-only (public shares) or written by only one
machine ever (phone -\> desktop) and I won’t have sync issues anymore.
Shouldn’t be hard, right?

What I considered:

1.  Use git-annex. Long-term that’s fine, but currently the assistant
    ignores the `.gitignore` (wtf?!) and I’m beginning to develop a
    deep-seated hatred against all Haskell
    programmers.[^haskell]

2.  Sparkleshare is, quote, “an Open Source collaboration and sharing
    tool that is designed to keep things simple and to stay out of your
    way”. It’s also written in C\#. Good joke. Is funny. I laugh.

3.  dvcs-autosync is similar, but “takes a more minimalistic approach”.
    Which includes no documentation, limited directory awareness and,
    best of all, *requires a central repository*. It has *“distributed”
    in its fucking name*. Who’d be so dement.. oh, guy uses Arch Linux.
    I’m now convinced every Archer is clinically insane.[^arch]

So there isn’t any good tool yet. Well, I could turn one of those
(probably dvcs-autosync) into something usable, but ain’t nobody got
time for that. So it’s back to my cronjob’d commit-and-pull-everything
solution until git-annex’ assistant stops sucking. (Nonetheless, I still
put “use dvcs-autosync to auto-commit based on inotify and insta-push
via git hook” on my todo, in case I *do* got time for that.)

Sigh.

---

You know what’s really annoying? Hair feedback time.

So I wanna do this totally awesome undercut thingie[^hipster],
but it will take me months, if not a full year until some parts have
grown enough that I can pull it off, and until then I can’t do
*shit*.[^drunk] I just practice a bit by doing regular
maintenance, but how am I supposed to level up my self-sustaining
fabulousness if I can make maybe 1-2 big decisions *per year* and
mistakes might require rollbacks so large, you gonna have to wait months
just to *repeat* them?

On the plus side, while I was going through
[http://fuckyeahundercuts.tumblr.com](http://fuckyeahundercuts.tumblr.com),
I felt - for the first time in my life - a sense of fear of being
outdated, that by the time this “just long enough to poke me in the eye”
mess has grown into something that can unambiguously blow in the wind
and has enough surface area for a dozen Hello Kitty hair bows, that by
then fashion will have moved on and I’ll look so wannabe 90’s, I might
as well buy a fedora.

Then I remember no one cares and I go back to Pinterest.

---

A mini-review of the newest [Crusader Kings
II](http://www.crusaderkings.com/) DLC, [The Old
Gods](http://www.paradoxplaza.com/games/crusader-kings-ii-the-old-gods).
It adds a new start in 867, the year Rurik decided that Russian brides
are just the best and he’s gonna grab himself some in
Novgorod[^rape], and more importantly, before the spread of
Christianity into the East. I’ve always wanted to play before the
*Ostsiedlung*, so I just jumped right into Lusatia and decided that
minority status isn’t good enough for us
[Sorbs](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sorbs), we’re gonna carve
ourselves a kingdom in the midst of Vikings, Poles, invading nomads, and
worst of all, Bavarians.

The new raid mechanics are a beautiful addition. At first, I was just
assembling little hunting parties from time to time because I thought
that it was my duty as a Pagan to pillage, but by picking vulnerable
Christian provinces too busy with bigger assholes than me, I had quickly
transformed my fiscal policy into “whatever the Christians can’t
defend”. Greater Poland acting up because it thinks it should own
Silesia? Better “borrow” some money from the cities to the south.
Vikings landed again? Let’s make it Nürnberg’s problem and buy some
mercenaries with their gold. Once I realized I can finance the majority
of my armies with ransom money, I couldn’t help but start blasting Death
Metal and cheer the burning of churches. The Christians might worship a
pathetic god, but at least their coffers come back from the dead year
after year, ready for another harvest.

The fascinating thing is how this high lasted for some time until some
even bigger Pagan decided I would make a nice addition to their
ever-growing list of vassals, and I realized I ain’t got no Divine Right
of Kings, I just got a big axe, and after the last succession crisis of
6 sons (did I mention those concubines?), I was exhausted and without
friends, and maybe all those saints I gladly turned into martyrs
might’ve been on to something and I should’ve taken up the Axe of the
Apostles instead. But even though the March of Progress might be against
me, and even though stability and order win in the long run and I got
neither, at least for a few decades I was feared by all and when death
inevitably comes, I won’t have any regrets.

My sons, though, are fucked.

<%= image("yolo.jpg", "#yolo") %>

[^back]:
    But seriously, I don’t always like to shoe-horn fragments, cool
    links and “omg they didn’t just write that” parts into logs. I know
    people use their FB or G+ for that, but I don’t like either site
    (because at least one of them is probably run by actual soul-eating
    vampires).

    I wonder if I should start a tumblr. While I don’t have angry
    opinions about gender yet, I am confused about my personal identity,
    sexuality, hair style and species. I would like to regularly reblog
    [sassy
    pugs](https://gs1.wac.edgecastcdn.net/8019B6/data.tumblr.com/390eb27ac775f1db1a416ca9172c28aa/tumblr_mnqtmuomAa1r8hf8lo1_400.gif)
    and summarize complex arguments with a reaction.gif, but I’m not
    sure if I’m ready to become a 15-year-old girl full-time.

    There needs to be a place that is kinda in-between FB and tumblr. A
    fumblr, if you will.

[^org]:
    Beeminder has native Trello integration, which is probably a good
    alternative if you’re not already familiar with org-mode. Still,
    Trello doesn’t have nested items and can’t be used offline, so
    that’s somewhat annoying.

[^haskell]:
    Seriously, Haskell has a worse dependency hell than the ARM code I
    maintain *which still uses gcc 2.95*. Oh, I need to update a minor
    library from `x.y.3` to `x.y.4`? *Every single Haskell program ever*
    on my machine is now broken. I hate academics.

[^arch]:
    Sometimes I feel like ranting about Arch, but then I remember
    *pacman doesn’t even have versioned packages* and I don’t think any
    more needs to be said about it. At least the
    [suckless](http://suckless.org/) guys make great trolls and
    occasionally write cool projects. Arch just seems to rot the mind
    with cargo cult minimalism.

[^hipster]:
    Look, I have strong opinions about the metaphysics and epistemology
    of 19th century Dutch theologians. It’s pretty much mandatory that I
    either look like Skrillex or an 80’s bum. Which isn’t mutually
    exclusive, fortunately.

[^drunk]:
    I expect to get drunk sometime this week, do it anyway, freak out,
    complain on Twitter, then love my decisiveness and use the
    experience as yet another guilt token later, admonishing myself why
    I can’t be as awesome as I used to be. That’s how I usually get
    stuff done I have issues about.

[^rape]:
    As [mrout on
    Reddit](http://www.reddit.com/r/CrusaderKings/comments/1f9519/the_concubine_system_is_awesome/ca7zp8l)
    said, “Hey Japan! This is how you do a rape game without being weird
    about it.”.