From 31e518059b417c3def9e0df12f1592cc156f4506 Mon Sep 17 00:00:00 2001 From: muflax Date: Mon, 17 Oct 2011 03:24:53 +0200 Subject: [PATCH] threw out some unsalvageable drafts --- drafts/con_def.dia | Bin 4153 -> 0 bytes drafts/consciousness_defined.mkd | 306 ------------------------------- drafts/dukkha.mkd | 93 ---------- 3 files changed, 399 deletions(-) delete mode 100644 drafts/con_def.dia delete mode 100644 drafts/consciousness_defined.mkd delete mode 100644 drafts/dukkha.mkd diff --git a/drafts/con_def.dia b/drafts/con_def.dia deleted file mode 100644 index 66322110a61056ddc0c05f5c497b7edd2c9fbc71..0000000000000000000000000000000000000000 GIT binary patch literal 0 HcmV?d00001 literal 4153 zcmV-95XSExiwFP!000021MOYSlH0}+zUwJi^p%>OUtq?xq_Pt`b|tR3%5o0AY+*@| zgbfl~AgI;mkV~$4fjmXtDwW5`^nfez2jpTon9-7&t+FMqn$u`t&|m-0S8v|W^WM9( zTxP}MRi7Z-@1=`TG0qm#SN&h!e)m%L-@JbD)i_JO)c;M(WZu)?SS;bwtNyI2Zoj;` zy1TnW`Ta7fiW2473N6#Ce)$3-Rc1G1oAW$#^*zv_Q6F+csQ^)gpm>l|78Hkqb3Wt#kccxkMElsaYU z+qB$Wc79tdGfh(6-|mqdSO@;UL9?b>YNEyT^%r0BFX~HL|Kj6XO&5BQNi|Q(X|~ws zqwh^#-w28%rBvSxp`^kwkIBP5c{;lrzwC0q>`K4vvgP${QC4M=Rr@S&iXu;wMa{J; zSLx||mZK!sTkM!v7E(;Iswy72{z;NA+Xztq`or7y)HiopX5-^8?iR&?RqnEJHM@TA z=yuhs-#c3UUAD|_^0evdvqja}^7q{=zx#BI_Wt;F%iU0~b`T!MG8L(KIy_8Q**IN3 zvdy+>4y-g=lU+S_*LUgK-kADVJ78^Co_=7$6)>Sli6P}E##Dde`qOD#(>$GDkBV}! zZzpspo8e+K%D#LL+Jqy5x!U-#k!Y4?(^++x89@qf{gBg`Eoa5ub%Xu*I5<9q%WX0q zZv*3wIQsFNwsMue-@8k@N@9oR(48>m;TGMFCHbws)KyaHx9)&Nc|;8#!t`QMHL--> z_a@0a%kTA-C5vUhx2*0#XXw|x{_6K>{w}SuQL?Glo_+;;8?Eu_$nDLBxgFDOMb!Ah zQWSw&AY9n7+6Jd19t_5IjI`-DUCh(w=b0{6^9IyDhTBcha|k}KKH|mc077g5geWA% zfD%L;0thex9$2FXLzHOr(0^j5=wT~Z8}wj^X;}hdTohuwoux@trU5RT!v#SCM{J;B zg9gO#g&5QtF(RamavEv%>JlX$GO6UM8perteMf% znB5fRI4vI&O+Tb)rQx?_E|nO%)Dk=o$^bPZRh{KttDPNF?G+YoHiy z1t9_$x&%Yk0T@b5=z#K*-I>;KC=8z=I5u1YI6B5dTfy2OBGtP+76B0hBAyK*{+y-( z5d8q6_6-Fh0SvioLItN61 z;o4PaNV4f23K1YNK;rX;#B_d}mPxe=8AK1jC=n09*d;Ljtf6I`lw*yHzh={4lj&cw zMY;ixWDSo|7j-9GkpUHM>rP??Otfz$B^_!%PDT=#o*u0&tJ$@YW} zp(Te=p>2T?)H*Kr(C*=1dNcikuOXr;ObVp;@n0eCzqb<_zD(9%COcnd`(@ZWm(-;a zimjE|3-VkL~XxpY4#8$X=5eKTa`ax8v?!Bz+ z?QJqjUsl;XxaXewL8N}Af_LuKJ6G0FVxC+KF-oUMLJ?(>LeG$7aXi$YRYYX1ix8&Wk#VFkMg+4sn8kk0VrgR*2%XtfLn{C0Uqb;XZB=BQ{_dMImnCZH|R? zTQZ|a#HK9@#V!#M_|P?mz#5moox03-810p_aMEtSPUfRoV zk~~?ALP*~^G%|sxX;PK}8@*wpeV1~KFoy9K3US9>%1W&HK%a7~(FD9j?zB_cUbuGN zVkAYF-4U?yjB?%cG|vMj`e;-Z;4g}RiGK6kgm+K@%4+DqlsGN`-7o(H#G=G;`Dc@S zM+ix)Oix?7Q2ZGZLY@;sggx)-&u{ZQyIrPDhQ58%sYEyuvC%Yfq+BM3G$*p=L?bn1 zOk4YkLu-u?vD48+oe0@392POAeHcZh7D-_4GC`#M3x@SAj40Q_u?VwEGWoSVEz{`C zO@1br5R54-6r(YV+4FY+`hP5XKUDqRkHt7d$J|H9G*7J!VQ3nYo7*Ee10I|K>z-7Y zvk_6#rX`&Ar2->TGvcwSs~{Bo0j{x=JM{++iP%6XP)xCU3MEHGQFfFRtOoE4c1b@~ zL+i2cJu~MZ*W3Papq)&jaWoF@$ER~Yb{q)&B=1AGuCjd#hDC$&wC<(VuQV6%VoR5b z^MMJ4(%Kj?6ZnUNi0B!_V{f$GGf>#AMx<@HFg3XGYj$;>`%d4verv2dkM&It&Gm zp?62gPy4pm7{zsiDs`!uG#6U8!HOXi$j0^IGj0oIZAEK$Xh9r~xVfyv;1Bbx3TLAE z0U~Ake=uU_5W(CBn-z(cXfZOd4*e2pGHH?v_{6B+{$TajnM)c2D8i;z)s;rL_EmOiy^r+#>J zN;n-3!5E5|ISE;7b`6b@X{K#&dPw7)rG*|cb>}f95?lEIpDI;H zX$M{aU#HF7x&bv8CX5%rATA)Zm3a=Sy5-6|lmp2n zrI|hDRz(rSBW5BMF*Ih>Ap{s?<~Gh;|6N27~L97+lhc z!PO${YTadKy5%s)X(ff1wZSjy-nH}Km}E8f)~~bM zR74~;b;qftOQvSo7w~>4kX{`H-d(-%6c&>#&s(sVOvW@$pEI_bdu8D1Ddkoh8^oDO zL2xIr1Ft4VnJ&|CP>7GB0|m#CGNeebFiwpLPx9>cdRCO#-}P?N_JpIsa)ymIRbVeV zW3pV`EcNnf|71ngWr;Gw9oS*S)V*<~9NS?8>@H^NlhyisbclE>r{|*|knbR&077|` z&}f9VbR3CrlyIm|_FJFKZR(S?Z@2wz?)8LpMmkVwQjy4g*F_B8WCRt7glVnDu_;w{ z+;q__+&&>(O+6E*6`dABJfh9^$wI$H&}YxS-(puAN>BZ*%)Y->A`UOG)3fdj6QYn5 zrrAP55v}GK;q$18TF!zG?A!-#*oUDk>TLU3nSEdD!}$>A(45F+S-(PzC;~%2Fq836 zb5?B4IX;>TrlPynOG>!vU!&A z4wNS2Ob$3=F3mZNs4`rrFo&7J@r5v-$!S8;RyvYM1JWq}uuk$Z=VY#$;0G zCk51d%aBlsZQPR{5+xHcdn5NBNs zvj~$j!sHB3u=q_ezVCgPrenBY0UA9FNsTcaX&Q$C8otl^ Point your finger at the screen. How did you do that? Do it again. Try -> something else. Make various motions with your body. Now just think about -> making the motions. What's the difference between thinking it, and doing it? -> *That's* command mode. -> -> -- PJ Eby, [The Multiple Self] - -[The Multiple Self]: http://dirtsimple.org/2005/08/multiple-self.html - -[^evo]: Evolutionary speaking, I think "stop pretending mode" would be a more - accurate name. I'd imagine that at first there is a direct link between - simulated events and actions, then later a switch is introduced so that - events can be simulated in advance, or with different preconditions. - -The main drawback of my model is that it hides the bilateralism of the brain, as -well as certain parallel structures. You might get the impression from looking -at it that there is a single **Volition** center somewhere, when really, there -are multiple ones with subtle, but notable differences. Don't think of every -part as unique or isolated, but rather, a kind of job description that may be -fulfilled (and competed over) by many applicants. - -Attention ---------- - -Presence --------- - -Let me get it out of the way: **Presence** is the most important, yet hardest to -describe part of the model. It is essentially the whole reason I wrote this in -the first place. Almost everybody ignores (or worse, rejects!) the existence of -**Presence**, and the few that I suspect mention it are so unclear about it -that I'm never sure what they really mean. - -So what *is* **Presence**? - -Well, it's the *being here*. The *this gets experienced, not that*. The [quale]. -Not helping? I know. Let me instead say what it is *not*. - -**Presence** is not any kind of sense. When you observe your senses, you will -find them united in a certain way, in what I call the **Theatre**. This is not a -unity in **Space-time**, which is actually superimposed. That it is not spatial -can be demonstrated by disabling it, as mentioned for example by taking shrooms. -It is very common to feel like you are at multiple places at once or are stuck -in a time loop and stuff like that, but the unity of the **Theatre** is -untouched. When you concentrate further on the senses, you will find that they -disappear. It is very much possible to observe an empty **Theatre**. At first, -it will feel like empty, infinite space, but even the space will disappear. Only -nothingness remains, but you are fully aware of the nothingness. (This is -something functionalism or something like higher-order thought theory can in no -way explain.) But if you keep on concentrating, something even weirder happens. -*The nothingness disappears*. I'm not making this up. There is no perception, -but also no non-perception, yet you are still conscious. In the metaphor of the -**Theatre**, what happens is that first, the actors leave and the **Theatre** -becomes empty, but the stage is still there. Then the stage itself is removed, -so there's nothing in the **Theatre**, yet it is still there. Finally, we remove -even the building itself. - -**Presence** is not attention. It is not focusing on anything, it has no -content. It has no memory, it is not "attached" to anything going on in the -mind. It has nothing to do with emotions or thinking or action or will. It -doesn't make any decisions, but there is feedback. It is not epiphenomenal. It -is also not subjective experience. **Presence** is still there during -schizophrenic attacks, still there during deep sleep (all of which I can attest -to). The problem is that **Presence** is not (and probably can not be) encoded -in memory, so it's really tricky to find out if it was there in the past. You -have to reproduce the experience and see for yourself, making a note *right -then*, in some form or another. - -Let me give a metaphor I personally really like. Think of **Presence** as the -sky. At first, you might think the sky are the clouds, but the clouds are really -*in* the sky. Or you might think it is blue, but that's the light travelling -through it, not the sky itself. It is impossible to pollute the sky. You can -pollute the *air*, but not the sky itself. Nor can you send up a missile to -attack it. It is untouchable, the ground on which all else is possible, but not -directly affecting anything. - -Unfortunately, the metaphor is misleading because you might think of it as some -kind of space. Like the mental space in which your stuff happens. This is -conceptualization through **Space-time**, not **Presence**. If your mental -events are reflections of a real world, then **Presence** *is* the mirror. Which -color is it? None. Shape? None. Where is it? Nowhere. Does it still exist, can -we still know it is there? Yes. - - -[quale]: /reflections/quale.html - -Thinking --------- - -I tried hard to figure out if "thoughts" should be here somewhere. I searched -everywhere, but couldn't find any that very not actually heard sentences, seen -images and so on. Therefore, there is no **Thought** in my model. - -I have united space and time as **Space-time** not because I want to brag with -my understanding of the theory of relativity, but because I agree with Jaynes' -assertion that time can only be spatially understood. I can't think of time -except by treating it like space. Therefore, they are united. #REALLY? - -Comparisons -=========== - -Brahman -------- - -There is a striking resemblance between [Brahman] and **Presence**. However, I -am not convinced that they are really the same. Brahman is unconstrained. -Everyone has the one same Brahman, separation is just an illusion. This *may* be -true (in fact, I highly suspect it is and that everything, including rocks, has -Brahman), but I don't have enough evidence for this yet. Therefore, I won't -equate the two. - -[Brahman]: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Brahman - -Buddhism --------- - -In Buddhism, there are 5 canonical "senses" (seeing, hearing, smelling, -touching, tasting) and there is additionally a consciousness *of* each of those -senses. These 5 are generally grouped together and called "thought". This -distinction is broken and better understood via shifting attention, as in my -model. I have not been able to figure out what else thought is supposed to be -than directed attention, so I did not include it. Therefore, I deliberately -diverge from the Buddhist view here. - -Similarly, several senses and emotions (often all of them) are always grouped -together, when they are clearly distinct. I have split as much as I could. - -One big advantage of Mahayana models is that they include **Presence**. -Theravada rejects it, as far as I can tell. To be honest, most of the time when -I *think* a Buddhist mystic is talking about **Presence**, they seem to start -attributing things to it that it clearly doesn't have, like a content, so I'm -never really sure if they are talking about the same thing or something closely -related. And the more people "get" it, the less they seem to talk about it. -Zennists often even outright refuse to talk about any of this. I find this -completely unacceptable. This is the behaviour of a vulnerable child that -doesn't want its comfortable delusions to be taken away, not that of a -truth-seeker. - -Bicameral Mind --------------- - -If you are familiar with Jaynes' Bicameral Mind model, then the early bicameral -mind looked like this: - -[] - -while the subjective mind looks like this: - -[] - -Both modes fit my experience very well, which is why I included them. If you are -not familiar with Jaynes' work, *you really should be*. I highly recommend it. diff --git a/drafts/dukkha.mkd b/drafts/dukkha.mkd deleted file mode 100644 index 098cfd2..0000000 --- a/drafts/dukkha.mkd +++ /dev/null @@ -1,93 +0,0 @@ -% On Dukkha - -I experience no dukkha. -======================= - -What is dukkha? It is one of three marks of existence, according to Buddhism. It -means unsatisfactoriness or suffering, in the sense of an axle of a horse cart -chaving against a poor hole, which is the origin of the word. Overcoming it is -the whole idea of Buddhism, experiencing it is why the Buddha started his quest -in the first place. - -I am not using a semantic trick. It is not an exaggeration, not a koan, nothing -like this at all. I mean it, straightforward. **I experience no dukkha**. - -This is extremely weird. If I followed some common descriptions of -enlightenment, then achieving it ends dukkha. Thus, if I do not experience it, I -must be fully enlightened. I, however, do not agree with this and decided to dig -deeper. - -Maybe I'm just mistaken? The other two marks of existence, anatta (no-self) and -anicca (impermanence) are easy to misunderstand, too. So I got myself the -Visuddhimagga, the (perhaps) greatest scholarly work on Buddhism, written by -Buddhaghosa around the year 430. It describes, essentially, everything there is -to the practice. All teachings and methods presented in a systematic -fashion, including all the details and proper sources. I worked through the -whole thing, memorized everything of merit, tested it against other people. - -I understand what dukkha is. I see it in other people, quite clearly. I cannot -find it in me. - -The teachers cannot help me anymore. - -Not By Happiness -================ - -> In the Dhammapada it is suggested that, in order to achieve deliverance, we -> must be rid of the double yoke of Good and Evil. That Good itself should be -> one of our fetters we are too spiritually retarded to be able to admit. And so -> we shall not be delivered. -> -> -- Emil Cioran, De l'inconvénient d'être né (english translation) - -Of all the things I believe or consider reasonably likely, one thing stands out -as being extremely unusual. It is not [Trivialism], the [3 Jewels] or -[Nondualism]. Those all have respected proponents or, at least, worthy arguments -going for them. - -Tibetan Buddhists make me sick. Their culture is infested by messages of love -and happiness. That which they call enlightenment is mindful heroin. It -extinguishes their mind, leaving them, as the Actual Freedom folks call it, -"happy and harmless". This is the worst state to be in. - -Let me illustrate the point. They are wrong about the meta-physical nature of -the world. Choosing between love and hatred is like argueing whether it would be -better to be eaten by Nodens, the Lord of the Great Abyss, or Nyarlathotep, the -Crawling Chaos. It misses the point completely that *you are fucked either way*. -Believing in any moral value misses the point that the universe is fundamentally -empty and uncaring, that it has no goal, no judge and no purpose. If you care -about happiness, piety, dignity, justice or freedom, then you fail to realize -*where* you are! You are like the pagans living in Dante's Limbo, living quite -happy lives, maybe not even aware that they are *missing the point of Creation*! - -Clinging to a life, no matter how happy, traps you further in Samsara. - -> I've yet to have an experience of any kind - game playing, sexual, food, -> travel - where I said, 'This is the most fun I could ever possible have in my -> entire life. I couldn't imagine, for one second, this being more enjoyable.' I -> never said that. -> -> -- Gabe Zichermann, talk on Game Design - -I actually did. I managed to do exactly this, multiple times in fact. The last -time I reproduced this, when I put down a video game controller and felt as -happy as I ever could possibly hope to be, yet still unsatisfied, I knew it -wasn't just a fluke. There's an upper limit to happiness, I can reach it any -time and it still doesn't make the sucking stop. - -This was the turning point for me. I realized that I couldn't just "solve my -problems" and live a happy life. I realized that it was fundamentally impossible -for me to do so. Not officially, not consciously, but psychologically, I became -a Buddhist this day. - -This feeling, this essential unsatisfactoriness, which Buddhists call dukkha, is -what I think makes some people get the idea of enlightenment and others not. If -you never felt it, you will not understand what it's all about. I don't know -what actually makes the difference, what is necessary to feel it. Maybe you need -to have lived a carefree and fulfilled enough life for long enough to max out -your personal happiness (like the Buddha or I did) or maybe you need a special -kind of mind to have the patience to actually optimize for happiness and fail, -and have the clarity to realize it. I see no reliable pattern in the kinds of -people to feel it, but if you do, welcome to the path. May it be your last. - -The best prisoner is the one that loves their chains.