diff --git a/content_daily/log/114.mkd b/content_daily/log/114.mkd new file mode 100644 index 0000000..949d0e5 --- /dev/null +++ b/content_daily/log/114.mkd @@ -0,0 +1,301 @@ +--- +title: Payload +date: 2013-04-21 +techne: :done +episteme: :log +--- + +Let’s see… + +I did a bunch of stuff I don’t properly understand enough yet to talk +about without making an ass of myself, and even though that hasn’t ever +stopped me before, I don’t wanna contribute too much to People Being +Wrong On The Internet if I can help it… + +And all other projects won’t have anything meaningful to show off or +talk about for some time to come, and “I read these books; they don’t +suck” posts aren’t very interesting (unless I can at least say something +about them)… + +And this situation isn’t gonna change anytime soon, and this is still +primarily a practice log (maybe we should call an ironic purpose a +“telol”?), so even though I have a bunch of drafts, I don’t wanna just +dump my `crazy.txt`[^crazy] here without at least occasionally +balancing it with `not_actually_crazy.txt`. + +So, uh, what am I gonna talk about the next few months? Guess I’ll have +to become ultra-productive and cram in some more minor projects. + +しい〜〜〜ん + +Yeah ok, volume will probably just go down and I’ll try to mention [cool +shit](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=z_trSIBCgF0) and minor projects +until stuff gets interesting again. (Lowered the road dial again for a +while.) + +--- + +Hint: someone scanned Westergaard’s Introduction to Tonal Theory and I +hear it will also appear on the usual sites in a few days. Just fyi. + +On a totally unrelated note, I’ve started reading Westergaard’s book and +I’m genuinely impressed. It looks like a proper textbook about a sane +theory with lots of examples and a clear, logical structure throughout. +Haven’t had much time to work on it yet, but it looks very promising. + +--- + +Some drug updates. + +- Modafinil: useless as a normal upper, mediocre as a sleep + substitute, great for “fuck deadline can’t afford to sleep fuck + fuck”. The effect during waking hours is not noticeably better than + caffeine for me. If it weren’t so expensive, I’d run a double-blind + test to compare side-effects and get a more precise idea, but so + it’s just not worth it. Will likely keep a small emergency supply on + hand, but otherwise I’ll stick to nicotine and caffeine. + +- Nicotine: started to smoke cigarettes again. Not a lot (i.e. + \<40/month), and it’s not really about the nicotine either, which is + almost anti-addictive for me. Despite clear benefits and wanting to + use it regularly, I keep forgetting I have large supplies of + lozenges and go days (and sometimes weeks) without any for no good + reason, and even when I use them, it’s never more than + 4mg/day.[^nicotine] + + So why smoke? Because I want something destructive - a tiny, + controlled source of it, yes, but to deliberately do something of no + use - no, not enough! - to take an action fully aware that it brings + nothing but harm to myself, is to say, no, I cannot be satisfied; to + say to optimization itself, nothing you can do will ever make me + happy; this is my vote of discord, my dissatisfaction with order - + this one is for decay. + +--- + +I made a [Twitter account for drunken +confessions](https://twitter.com/#!/drunkflax). If I can’t say them to +the person I mean them for, I can at least say them in general just to +have them said, to lower the barrier - a practice round instead of just +sadness. Maybe it’s gone tomorrow, maybe not. Don’t read them. I made +it for you. Take with a grain of salt, placed on the back of your hand +and a slice of lemon; count your shots. + +--- + +I feel like many arguments could be more easily resolved if people more +routinely asked themselves the First Rule of Debugging, i.e. “What are +you trying to do with that?”. + +I’ve failed to state that enough in the past (and I’ve added “state what +this is trying to accomplish” to my list of rules to observe in future +writing), so here’s an example for practice. + +In Scott’s [wrestling with virtue +ethics](http://slatestarcodex.com/2013/04/10/book-review-after-virtue-or-somebody-here-is-really-confused-and-i-just-hope-its-not-me/) +[^pad], I was reminded how I had always assumed (if not +explicitly, then implicitly in how I write) that my specific problems +with ethics generalize and then how I was somewhat upset how someone +could have the nerve to develop ideas that might work for their +problems, maybe, but not mine!, what sacrilege. + +In particular, I have no clue what I want (I feel like I may have some +preferences in forced decisions (i.e. almost all of them), but that’s +far from wanting things for their own sake), so theories about “getting +what I want” are of no use to me (regardless of their validity), but I +know “the kind of person” I don’t want to be +(“[apophatic](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Apophatic_theology) virtue +ethics”, you say?), but at the same time (and for good reasons I won’t +elaborate on), I don’t trust my own ideas of what “good” is and that +many common heuristics - trust your instincts, use empathy, follow your +heart - are *horrible* advice for me because I’m at least potentially a +Bad Person(tm) and *I will fuck people over* if you’re so stupid to make +me run on instinct, so I don’t just need (meta-)ethics to resolve +conflicts for me, but to even provide (some of?) my values in the first +place. + +So any theory that requires me to load it with my values first is +utterly useless to me because [it doesn’t solve any of my actual +problems](http://www.viruscomix.com/page535.html). For example, my +motivation for making locality a requirement for any meta-ethical theory +is that I don’t want to be held responsible - including by abstract +principles - for things I have no possible way of doing right. Or as +Kant is commonly (and uncharacteristically) summarized, “ought implies +can”. I don’t know what “the Good” is, in terms of a specific outcome or +kind of world. There are narratives that shape what I think of as a +“good world”, but these are clearly contingent and very non-mainstream +(currently, anyway[^pol]). A defining feature of any concept is +that there are some things it *isn’t*, some negative examples. But if +“the Good” is just whatever these narratives have led me to think of as +“Good”, then there is no way for me to be *wrong* about +it.[^wrong] The label “Good” is then just an arbitrary +placeholder. I don’t know if “Good” outside this usage has any meaning +either, but *if* so, I want to at least cover my ass. Thus, Moral +Realism That Doesn’t Do Anything. + +Interestingly, I *don’t* seem to apply this same thinking to the past. +Even though Bad Shit happened[^close], I’m completely unwilling +to let it go and still consider Things I Literally Have No Longer Any +Causal Control Over[^mol] just as relevant and so a single +negative example can devastate me and *keep on* devastating +me.[^baum] I wonder if I should stop doing that… + +[^crazy]: + Actual content of `~/drafts`, my `crazy.txt`: + + - start of a manifesto “Against Compassion” + - “I didn’t choose to be a wolf”, a meditation on fursonae + - sketches about “could zombies have saved the Nazi war effort?” + until I got bored doing calculations (includes mostly worked-out + Nazi Zombie campaign setting, incl. sketch of a metaphysics to + make it reasonably coherent) + - a love poem to cheesecake + - “why everything sucks and will never ever get better”, a reading + of some of Luther’s more obscure writing (on hold until I figure + out if everything sucks and will never ever get better or not) + - an incomplete sketch of “Against Imagination”, which keeps on + metastasizing as I add more and more anger to it, but it never + really goes anywhere constructive and I wonder if I’m not just + rewriting the Futurist Manifesto anyway + - “I’m the worst person to talk about politics, but I’m drunk and + I have a pile of manifestos, try stoppin’ me”, an + interdisciplinary attempt of political exploration + - several sketches and attempts of a new critical method I call + Passive-Aggressive Deconstruction + + I think it’s obvious why those drafts never go anywhere. + +[^nicotine]: + I’m deliberately ignoring e-cigarettes even though they’re cheaper + because I don’t want to accidentally establish a “suck on + cigarettes” habit that might transfer to real cigarettes so I can + always maintain a behavioral separation between “nicotine so my + brain works” and “smoking for emotional reasons”, despite them + sharing some drug effects. The nicotine in cigarettes is still + welcome and I substitute accordingly, but it’s a bit of a pity I + have to smoke strong brands just to remind me of her smell. + + <%= image("wishyouwerehere.jpg", "hot ashes for trees") %> + +[^pad]: + In particular [this + post](http://slatestarcodex.com/2013/04/11/virtue-ethics-not-practically-useful-either/) + how virtue ethics is not useful in practice, and this (highly + excerpted) exchange with Vladimir: + + > [Vladimir:] If this abstract theory [e.g. utilitarianism] provides + > answers for the extreme and controversial cases, then it should + > provide answers for everyday common cases as well. But here we see + > that these abstract theories are of little use, often providing no + > useful answer or plainly absurd answers, and requiring tortured + > rationalizations and special pleading just to get them to clear + > the bar of ordinary common sense. + > + > […] + > + > If we actually do start from scratch in our study of ethics and + > make sure to stick to the reality of what human beings are, not to + > metaphysical pies in the sky and sophistries useful only for + > signaling and lawyering, we will end up — or at least have to + > start with — something resembling virtue ethics. + > + > [Scott:] Aside from the things I addressed in my new post, we seem + > to disagree a lot on how bad utilitarian and deontological ethics + > work. As far as I can tell they work about as well as Newtonian + > physics – they get the right result in the overwhelming majority + > of cases, but break down in certain weird edge cases where in fact + > they might still be salvageable. + + was the thing that made me throw up my hands and say in a moment of + amused desperation, *surely* you can’t be asserting this! I don’t + have an issue with saying that virtue ethics isn’t really a *theory* + of anything but more a label of a kind of discourse, a way of + *doing* morality instead of thinking *about* morality, and that it + is, to use Skinner’s terminology, still mostly prescientific. Fair + enough. + + But to say that utilitarianism (or even better, deontology! The + *simplest*, most straightforward example of deontological reasoning + - don’t deceive - is highly controversial and virtually *nobody* + agrees with it!) works most of the time is.. well, Scott is, to use + Moldbug’s amusing phrase, “[not a blithering + idiot](http://unqualified-reservations.blogspot.com/2013/03/sam-altman-is-not-blithering-idiot.html)”, + so I can’t just say, “clearly he just doesn’t know what he’s talking + about”. There must a disagreement not about results (because Scott + is neither ignorant nor in denial), but about *the problem*. With a + disparity this huge, we can’t be looking [at the same + thing](http://blog.regehr.org/archives/861). + + One might be tempted to say, “this just proves that some people + think inherently like virtue ethicists and some like utilitarians”, + but that’s just throwing away all possibility of rational discourse + forever, and most importantly, *this isn’t even the case*. (Even if + this were the case, “get out of your weird bubble” would likely be a + more appropriate response, but I’m not convinced this even applies + to Scott, unlike say Kant.) + + If I were more the person I want to be, I would now be able to write + an eloquent reply, but alas, the only answer I *am* capable of is a + stare of incredulity (which I hate) or an incoherent angry rant + (which I love). Wanting not to be abusive, I thus experimented with + alternatives and came up with Passive-Aggressive Deconstruction, + which is probably still trollish, but maybe not hostile. (Or at + least amusingly so.) + + Essentially, and this is why I haven’t written more than sketches + yet because this is still a lot of work, I just wanted to highlight + by mere quotation how *Scott himself* uses virtue-ethical reasoning + frequently *on his own blog*, and how then, tumblr-style, I could + just add his comment pasted on a fitting `useless_utilitarian.jpg` + after each quote and ask, “Why don’t I see a calculation here?” or + “Why do you think this is a valid form of argument?”, so that after + a sufficiently large number of instances of this, it would at least + be more than an *assertion* of “I can’t believe you’re saying what I + think you’re saying, but I don’t see what else you possible could + mean to say”. + + But eh, now that I’ve outlined the general approach, I can’t be + bothered to do it concretely. (\<3) + +[^pol]: + I don’t know of any way to discuss these things without either + moving to a very different audience (which I have no interest in) or + attempting an act of bridging a moral divide that is akin to making + a lion speak. Regardless - and I don’t know if that is intentional + or not - I might eventually have to get there if I ever want to go + meta and discuss important figures in [Higher + Criticism](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Historical_criticism) + directly and not just their ideas how to read the NT. But I’ve + failed to tell Lutherans that they don’t understand Luther, so I’m + not optimistic about that ever succeeding. + +[^wrong]: + To be a bit more accurate, the problem is how the concept is learned + and it basically separates moral subjectivists from moral + relativists. In the subjectivist view, “Good” is the extension of + whatever collection of preferences I happen to hold, while moral + relativists conceive of some distributed concept shared by a + community, like a language. + + So for example and by analogy, there is a wrong way to speak French + (even though there is no Standard Written Into The World Itself that + tells us a priori what French “is” and even though boundaries might + be fuzzy) and so it makes sense to say someone can learn French + (because we can provide positive and negative examples). But under + the subjectivist view, that is not the case because only *I* - or + rather, the preferences in my skull - define the concept. As such, I + can *teach* what “Good” means (i.e. *others* can be wrong about it), + but I can’t *learn* it because I already, by construction, embody + it. (This ethical egoism may, as a matter of fact, include the value + of “altruism”, of course - values aren’t justifications.) + +[^close]: + Look, Internet, I’m sorry but we aren’t *that* close. + +[^mol]: + Well yes, Molinists can change the past, but then they have to + negotiate with God and that doesn’t sound any easier, if you ask me… + +[^baum]: + As Baumeister famously argues, “[bad is stronger than + good](http://www.csom.umn.edu/Assets/71516.pdf)”. diff --git a/content_daily/log/115.mkd b/content_daily/log/115.mkd new file mode 100644 index 0000000..5cd7b60 --- /dev/null +++ b/content_daily/log/115.mkd @@ -0,0 +1,174 @@ +--- +title: Walpurgiskater +date: 2013-05-01 +techne: :done +episteme: :log +--- + +> but it’s too late, my friend\ +> too late\ +> but never mind +> +> all my trials, lord\ +> will soon be over +> +> – all my trials (excerpt) + +As a simple safety precaution, and even though I don’t have a history of +escalating addictions[^addict], I’m set up a [Beeminder +goal](https://www.beeminder.com/muflax/goals/smoking) to limit my +cigarette use. I mean, the financial budget already keeps it at a +manageable level, but that’s what they all say, isn’t it? + +Nonetheless, I did a simple cost comparisons[^patch] for a +certain (fairly representative) Rich European Nation with its +enlightened “heavily tax those who cost you less and who need the stuff +to self-regulate” drug policy: + +- decent cigarettes: \~0.25 Euro / 1mg nicotine +- roll your own cigarettes: \~0.10 Euro / 1mg nicotine (all other + tobacco products are somewhere between those two) +- lozenges: \~0.06 Euro / 1mg nicotine (that’s for 4mg lozenges, which + are easy to split in half, but if you want to actually dose 1mg, + you’ll probably have to pay double) +- e-cigarette: well… ok, I’m confused by how much usable nicotine they + really contain, and what realistic costs are (including hardware), + but my best estimate is something like \~0.10 Euro / + 1mg[^source] (especially as prices are expected to go up + thanks to upcoming regulations), which surprises me as I thought + they were a lot cheaper. Am I missing something? + +I currently don’t have any reasonable way to circumvent those taxes +(Eastern European border, I miss ya), so it seems like I’m not actually +spending a whole lot of premium on cigarettes. Assuming a 4mg/day +maximum (which is a pretty hig upper bound of my current use), I’d have +to pay up to \~7 Eurons/month for the cognitive benefits through +lozenges (which also ignores that I skip days irregularly because I +forget about the stuff, which at least helps keep tolerance down). + +If I add, say, 10 cigarettes/week (which is a similarly high long-term +estimate of my current use) and use lozenges otherwise for the same +4mg/day, I’d pay \~9 Eurons/months, not a lot more. (And I love tobacco +smoke and discolorations anyway, so this is a reasonable cost just for +the pleasant experience, but I’m weird that way. Always loved having +smoker friends for their smell, even though I only got interested in the +stuff itself a few years ago.) So once my current supplies run out, +that’s exactly what I intend to switch to. + +But why stick with 4mg? Maybe that’s too much, maybe not enough? I need +a better way to quantify what benefits I get from nicotine (in terms of +cognitive enhancement, reduction of *ugh*, regulation of schizotypal +symptoms). So I thought about existing options to get data from: + +- I can’t use sleep data because my sleep patterns are very irregular + and my Zeo data is basically worthless. Back when I tracked it + regularly for a few months, I virtually *never* dropped below a ZQ + of 90 and saw many anomalies (catastrophic night with a ZQ \> 120 + etc.), and now Zeo’s dead anyway (pbut). + +- Comparing “time spent on useful projects” is tricky because there’s + a lot of noise, but it might be workable if I do it for a + sufficiently long period of time and I’m tracking this anyway. + +- Anki seems too noisy to evaluate. What would I even measure? Answer + time? Correctness percentage is (on average) held constant by the + scheduling algorithm and it’s tricky to control for difficulty. + +None of those sound too promising, so I’ve looked into useful short +tests I can run once every day. I want the total test suite to be short +(\<10min) so I don’t get bored, so I’ll stick with these 3 tests for 2 +minutes each: + +1. [n-back](http://www.gwern.net/DNB%20FAQ) accuracy score + + I remember vaguely from gwern-sensei’s FAQ that it’s currently + unknown if there’s a significant difference between single and dual + n-back, and because I’m lazy I’ll start with single n-back. I’ll add + sound when I get a [round tuit](http://blog.beeminder.com/tuit/). + +2. Answer time on simple arithmetic problems (“3+2=?”) + + This is [Seth Roberts](http://blog.sethroberts.net/)’ favorite. Many + data points per day, plausible mechanism, useful skill. What’s not + to like? + +3. [Stroop task](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Stroop_effect) answer + time + + There have been several studies that have shown that schizophrenics + have significantly increased Stroop latencies, so it seems like a + useful proxy test for schizotypy. The traditional positive/negative + symptom tests (besides applying to most people in a philosophy + department) are way too imprecise, so this will have to do. + +I’ve [hacked together a quick +script](https://github.com/muflax/cogatrice) that takes care of the +assignments and tests, added a [simple Beeminder +goal](https://www.beeminder.com/muflax/goals/cogtest) to ensure daily +measurements and I’ll figure out how to analyze the data once I have +some. (It’ll take a bit for them to plateau anyway, so I can still work +out problems in the protocol as they come up.) + +There’s of course still the issue of randomization and blinding. +E-cigarettes are relatively easy to blind, but everything else seems +hard (use herbal / low-nicotine tobacco that tastes similar?) to +impossible (find similar mint lozenges?). So I can’t properly control +for placebo, but I can still learn some information about dosage. Next +time I buy new lozenges, I’ll also buy weaker ones because they all look +and taste the same and so I can blind *strength*. Until then and in +addition, I can randomize *scheduling* - I simply randomly do the tests +first and then take the nicotine or the other way around. That still +provides a baseline to compare the intervention with. Lastly, I’ve also +re-instituted my detailed drug log (which I only needed to avoid some +nasty interactions, mostly with MAOIs, which I haven’t taken in some +time) so I can spot potential patterns. + +Empiricism! + +--- + +So it seems I’m getting back into statistics and how to read scientific +papers, and hey, I have some old notes but how much can I’ve really +forgotten? Let’s review some simple stuff. What was a p-value again, +Wiki-sama? + +> In statistical significance testing the p-value is the probability of +> obtaining a test statistic at least as extreme as the one that was +> actually observed, assuming that the null hypothesis is true. One +> often “rejects the null hypothesis” when the p-value is less than the +> predetermined significance level which is often 0.05 or 0.01, +> indicating that the observed result would be highly unlikely under the +> null hypothesis. Many common statistical tests, such as chi-squared +> tests or Student’s t-test, produce test statistics which can be +> interpreted using p-values. + +Oh for fuck’s sake. + +[^addict]: + I mean, look at that graph. If being very inconsistent in everything + I do is a superpower, drug use is probably the only area where it + pays off. + +[^patch]: + Ignoring patches, which I found really hard to dose, and gum, which + everyone I know who tried to use it had issues with. I also find it + difficult to take absorption rates into account, but the “1mg” + number is my best guess of effective nicotine, taking the numbers on + cigarette boxes at face-value. + + It’s also funny how the nicotine content for each product does *not* + generally affect it’s price much (if at all). + +[^source]: + Raw nicotine content in the liquid isn’t informative as such because + it ignores the absorption rate (for which I couldn’t find a good + source), other components besides nicotine, and so on. I ultimately + went with the quantity of liquid former smokers typically end up + using, which seems like a more useful proxy. However, even there + good correlations are rarely present and estimates vary a lot. My + (not particularly informed) best guess, based on that one study with + self-medicating schizophrenics and various forums with smokers, is + that one medium-to-high-strength cartridge equals \~6-10 cigarettes. + + I did find decent estimates for lozenges (and they fit my personal + experience), so those costs are more reliable. diff --git a/content_daily/log/116.mkd b/content_daily/log/116.mkd new file mode 100644 index 0000000..553e7c7 --- /dev/null +++ b/content_daily/log/116.mkd @@ -0,0 +1,318 @@ +--- +title: Powerdrills and Bonesaws +date: 2013-05-23 +techne: :done +episteme: :log +--- + +Mostly just practice, which I report for beeminding purposes. Yay? + +--- + +I’ve extended the cognitive tests with a simple questionnaire for some +daily variables and now also track daily mood split into four variables +(energy level, comfortableness, “everything makes sense”-ness, [body +load](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Body_load)) on a scale of +1-5[^scale]. I don’t expect that to yield useful correlations +(with better than retrodictive powers), but it’s trivial to do, so +whatever. + +Also, first result: apparently, the more tired I am, the *better* I get +at the Stroop test. Can’t rule out practice effects yet, of course, but +I think ‘m getting a better feel for “cognitive functions are down, I’m +not even bothering to process what this word says”, which makes the +Stroop test much easier. Might be a useful thing to notice in general. + +--- + +I’ve done some work on the next iteration of my language tools (now +renamed to “mavothi”), might have some (unusable as-is unless you’re +muflax, but maybe interesting nonetheless) results soon. + +I’ve also done a lot of work on steno, which I’ve now started to +actually practice. Actual practice, guys! I’m becoming functional. + +--- + +I’ve transitioned some archives to +[git-annex](http://git-annex.branchable.com/). For my non-neckbearded +readers, git-annex is basically a system to track archives over multiple +locations (e.g. external drives, remote servers, different laptops) and +automate most of the hassle of having those archives in the first place. + +It has a Dropbox-y assistant which I found really awkward to use and +which shredded my configs constantly while I tried to figure out how it +works, so I’m not using it (yet) and do everything via shell commands, +like a man. So my current setup looks like this: + +1. There are multiple independent archives, currently `~/books`, + `~/games/install` (install files, mods etc. for vidya gaems) + `~/テレビ` (TV shows and movies) and `~/音` (podcasts, music, etc.), + which contain a lot of big media. I have complete daily + backups[^backups] of most of this stuff, but I’d like to a) + have more backups and b) be able to swap stuff out that I don’t use + much. I regularly re-watch [‘Allo + ‘Allo!](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/%27Allo_%27Allo!), but there’s + no point in having it on my main machine all the + time[^waste]. Git-annex has this nice feature where you can + `drop` files from one repository and it replaces them with symlinks + so it looks like the file’s still there and you can move it around, + but when you try to access it, it’ll tell you what other repository + (which still has the file) you need to connect so it can get it + back. + +2. I have a whole lot of external drives because I tend to update + hardware faster than it breaks, and never throw out old drives (plus + I have several sources who give me their old stuff too), so I’ve now + set them up as “trusted”[^trusted] repositories for the + archives and made sure all files have at least on external copy. I + update these archives whenever my main machine is full and I want to + drop files off it. That way, every file is always in at least two + places and can’t be lost due to drive failure or basic stupidity. + +1. My two laptops (see above) used to just sync my whole home directory + via [unison](http://www.cis.upenn.edu/~bcpierce/unison/), which is + really wasteful and regularly annoys me because their drives are + much smaller (and slower), and because unison isn’t too smart. + git-annex fixes a lot of these issues because now don’t have to copy + *everything*, but can still keep the directory structure synced. + +2. I currently manually sync the laptops with a simple shell script + every time I need some data that’s not on the machine, but that + should eventually become (semi-)automatic too. + +What I’d like to do later: + +1. I’m currently syncing stuff on my phone through Dropbox (mostly + images and audio logs), but once the git-annex android client is a + bit more solid, I hope to use it there too so I don’t have to trust + Dropbox anymore. + +2. Get the git-annex assistant running so I don’t have to manually add + and sync files. That’s still rare enough that it doesn’t bother me + much, but allegedly this should already be possible. It just + constantly broke on my setup or was horribly slow, for some reason. + +--- + +A minor belief update. + +Back in December[^oldlogs], I wrote: + +> If one were to take a fictionalist approach to the [New Testament], +> that is to assume that, excluding maybe a few historical allusions +> here and there, they are works of *fiction* […], then it follows that +> the original scripture is forever lost to us. We may be able to +> reconstruct roughly back to Marcion’s work around 130AD, but no +> further. The evidence has simply been lost to time. One may speculate, +> as RMP and others frequently do, and all kinds of plausible +> explanations might be found, but closure is impossible. +> +> […] +> +> And so I realized, I needed not a new proclamation of the message, but +> an entirely different work, one capable of reflecting the true author +> of confusion. I considered merging all traditions into one gospel, or +> using elaborate annotation (even footnotes to footnotes), but then I +> thought, ideally the text would be a dialog between all those strands, +> would give the Marcionite, the Simonian and the Gnostic their first +> fair hearing, and so we really need more gospels written from these +> perspectives, including the Devil’s own version that they read down in +> Hell, but even that would not be sufficient, not even to replicate the +> delightful state of interwoven connections I see in the text, for +> nothing short of all of the tradition would be capable of representing +> the tradition. +> +> […] +> +> But can the text be made *simpler*, without breaking it? After all, +> the canonical NT is already reduced, lacking several gospels, epistles +> and so on. Yet, it seems to me that these reductions don’t necessarily +> simplify the *content* of the text. All ideas are still present, they +> just aren’t as close to the surface. And this does not have to +> interfere with the interpretation of scripture. After all, the 19th +> century Dutch and German radicals managed to reconstruct many aspects +> before most of these alternative text had been found! They predicted +> the Gnostic texts in great detail and were entirely right. + +I still expected that there wasn’t a single source of origin (or linear +sequence of origins) for the core NT, that like modern mediums, the +authors were telling stories of their own invention with no real +connections between them, until decades (and sometimes, centuries) later +various churches would try to integrate them into one tradition (with +the well-known result that for every assertion in the NT, there is also +a counter-assertion that contradicts it). This would make a successful +reconstruction essentially impossible because there simple isn’t a +coherent shared thread. + +I no longer think that’s necessarily true. I’m not sure that there *is* +a single source of origin (and if so, that it is knowable) either, but +due to a lot of recent reading I’ve done, particularly on the Gospel of +John and its possible (more-or-less) Marcionite origin, there now is a +budding live hypothesis in my head that would make sense of all the +texts and their origin, that answers virtually all important questions +about the NT, and that postulates just such a single origin (of Simon +-\> Marcionite hermeneutics -\> Catholic hijacking). Funnily enough, +that is still in line with my judgment that whatever scripture may have +existed before Marcion is lost to us; I just didn’t expect Marcionites +to be *that* influential for our canon. + +I will discuss all of that in detail in due time, but I’m only about 20% +done with all the necessary skills I’ll have to learn (including several +languages) and books I’ll have to read (thankfully all in languages I +know), so this is obviously speculative play still, but the mere +*possibility* of a such a hypothesis and the fact that it can be +directly verified with the evidence we do have, is dazzling. + +There are two vectors that I still find deeply puzzling and possibly +beyond our reach - where did the Buddhists get their ideas from, and +what’s up with Simon? + +Christian Lindtner claims (and unfortunately I don’t have the skills yet +to even fully comprehend his theory) that the core NT texts are based on +Buddhist sources (which Christian scribes could easily have had access +to thanks to Ashoka), but then we have to trace the underlying ideas +back to India, and there we will likely lose them. Recent research makes +me increasingly skeptical that *any* of the Jewish texts meaningfully +predates the Hellenistic Period (and many not even Christianity!). The +case for Greek priority of the Pentateuch (and a Hebrew translation +second!) seems stronger every year, and even if we “merely” have to +declare pre-Septuagint developments as forever unknowable, that should +equally make us skeptical of Buddhist stories before, say, the +Visuddhimagga. + +It would be much easier for my ideas if instead Buddhism took at least +its mythological narratives *from* Christianity (and then historicized +them way in the past), but that’s not a good criterion for truth. :) And +if it is the other way around (which is certainly plausible), then we +have to explain, independently, how the Buddhists got started. The +connection still deeply confuses me, and I follow Lindtner’s suggestion +that I’ll have to learn Sanskrit to adequately understand this +eventually. + +The other origin, Simon, is equally mysterious because we simply don’t +have many crucial sources anymore. RMP makes a decent case that at least +his Great Proclamation has been more-or-less completely preserved, but +much of it reads like typical Gnostic gibberish. I feel increasingly +comfortable with various Marcionite writings and their interpretation, +but what’s the deal with Simon? I currently have no idea. + +I feel sorry for anyone who wants to start a Post-Simonian Church. +Luckily, I’m merely trying to start the Post-Marcionite one, and that +seems very much doable. Marcion, Appeles, Valentinus, Basilides and +others will be slandered no longer, and one face of “Paul” will be +reconstructed once again. But Simon? Who knows. We might have to fall +back on channeling after all. + +Luther, in his [Commentary on +Genesis](http://archive.org/stream/LutherOnTheCreationACriticalAndDevotionalCommentaryOnGenesis1-3/LutherGenesis1-3#page/n17/mode/1up), +writes: + +> Therefore it is far the safest not to be too curious and inquiring in +> these subjects [i.e. hermeneutics], because they are placed above our +> human capacity. For how can we understand that order which God himself +> establishes and approves? Yes, reason must here be put to shame, for +> what is order in the eyes of God we judge to be confusion of order. +> Thus the stars seem to us to be arranged thoughtlessly in wild +> disorder in that the bright ones are scattered among those more +> obscure, and the lesser among the greater. Who would judge this to be +> order? And yet it is the most perfect harmony, so constituted by the +> all-wise mind itself. In like manner we judge other matters. It seems +> confusing that our Elbe and all rivers flow to the sea in an irregular +> winding course. Such disorder there seems to be also among trees, yes, +> between man and wife, where it appears there is no order. But all this +> only proves that God is a God of order and that his judgment as to +> order is quite different than ours. + +We might find ourselves one day, discovering Eris legible all along, in +the setup for Creation’s final pun… + +[^scale]: + Meaning of the scale for the variables, with 2-4 as the typical + range: + + - energy level: + 1. “can’t get up” + 2. “ugh” + 3. “functional” + 4. “movement is light, doing stuff is easy” + 5. “mania” + - comfortableness: + 1. “paranoia” + 2. “anxiety” + 3. “people are nice” + 4. “feelings are awesome” + 5. “[Overly Attached + Girlfriend](http://knowyourmeme.com/memes/overly-attached-girlfriend)” + - “everything makes sense”-ness: + 1. “nihilism” + 2. “knowing stuff is too hard” + 3. “the world makes sense” + 4. “everything according to plan” + 5. “[horse\_ebooks](https://twitter.com/Horse_ebooks/status/326479048945594368)” + - body load: + 1. “Nurgle” + 2. “nausea” + 3. “some stomach cramps” + 4. “Ibuprofen” + 5. “dissociation” + + +[^backups]: + I use a [custom rsync + script](https://github.com/muflax/scripts/blob/master/rbs) to copy + everything to a RAID-mirrored backup drive. Daily backups go 1 week + back, plus there’s an additional monthly version for the last 3 + months. I used to have significantly more past versions (monthly + backups back to 2010, 2 weeks of daily backups). The main idea was + that I wanted to have a safeguard against deleting a file and then, + a week later, noticing I actually still wanted it (which happened + way too often). Nowadays, I have most of these things in git + repositories and spread over multiple locations, so restoring + arbitrary past versions is no problem, and I’m far less + trigger-happy with deletions in general. The old backups used up a + lot of space, so I reduced my backup horizon to 1 week (daily) / 3 + months (monthly), although I still have one offsite drive with all + the old versions (because I only update that every few months). + + I might eventually replace some of that with git-annex too, or + something like it, but I’m nowhere near comfortable enough with it + to trust it with my core backups. + +[^waste]: + Unfortunately, the `.git` directory itself tends to use up quite a + bit of space. For example, my `~/books` directory, which has + basically all my read-only documents in it, is \~70GB large and has + \~35k files. The `.git` right after adding the files was already + \~400M (after doing a `git gc`). However, size tends to depend + almost exclusively on the number of files, so I did some + restructuring and packed some stuff up, and reduced my number of + files to \~8k, and now got only \~160M of `.git` and adding new + files is reasonably fast (\<20 seconds on the slowest machine). (And + to be fair, part of that is git’s fault, not git-annex’.) + + So my heuristic for now is that git-annex adds \~1% overhead of the + total archive size to every repository, which is still worth it most + of the time (because you can distribute stuff and space is + reasonably cheap), but it sucks a little. + +[^trusted]: + git-annex has 4 trust levels: + + - trusted: files are assumed unchanged since the last time we saw + the repository + - semitrusted: files count towards required redundancy, but we + have to check first if they’re still there + - untrusted: location is tracked, but we never expect data to + still exist + - dead: data is gone + + “trusted” makes sense for backup drives that never change on their + own and are only updated in one direction, “semitrusted” is the + level for my different machines that might have independent changes + that need to be merged, and “untrusted” covers drives that are known + to be failing and aren’t dead yet. + +[^oldlogs]: + Old logs are currently unavailable due to some restructuring. Might + take some days/weeks/lives. diff --git a/content_daily/log/117.mkd b/content_daily/log/117.mkd new file mode 100644 index 0000000..a222b91 --- /dev/null +++ b/content_daily/log/117.mkd @@ -0,0 +1,306 @@ +--- +title: Bel-Marduk +date: 2013-06-04 +techne: :done +episteme: :log +--- + +(Wait what? words? I need to write about stuff we did? *Again*? Didn’t I +just… oh well. Fetch me the logs, I’ll docum.. wait, it says there I +mostly did Japanese grammar practice, which I can’t meaningfully talk +about yet, loads of boring-to-talk-about [deliberate +practice](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Practice_%28learning_method%29#Deliberate_practice), +and work, which I bet I’m not even allowed to talk about because we +pretend we’re relevant to the industry? Ok, so can I post a manifesto +then? I have a draft and need to get some of this anger out of… no? What +about metaphys.. also no? + +Listen, Mister. I know you had the best of intentions with this “write +about stuff you did because you like explaining stuff, which helps you +actually do stuff”, but we have some better tools now, if you haven’t +noticed, and while this works well for conceptual stuff, most skills are +actually pretty hard to talk about in a meaningful way and learning them +doesn’t really leave neat piles of notes that can be trivially converted +into posts, so now you’re making me do *extra* work here. Can’t we go +back to “deconstruct texts” and stuff? That’s at least +fun.[^back] + +Yes I know the rules, I *wrote* them, but even Kant would agree that +some rules can be broken somet.. ok yes he wouldn’t, but you know what I +mean! Look, your paranoia isn’t helping me either! You’re so worried +about distant effects of your actions, you’re not letting me talk about +topics before you’re sure they’re fully under your control, but you’re +still making me adhere to rules that were written under the assumptions +that just documenting whatever happens is way awesome, so don’t you see +the problem here? A lesson? What lesson could you possibly try to teach +me here? + +“Sources of validation”? + +I see. Yeah that’s really clever of you. So if I don’t break the rule, +I’ll have to find *something* to write about even though I don’t have +anything ready yet. Yeah, I get how this extra work is great for your +complicated plans. But if I just break it? What th.. whoa, that’s a big +graph. That’s *all* conn.. even th.. whoa. Sheesh man, you’re quite the +magician, you know that? Yes I know I joked about how I’m doing acausal +magic when I wrote the rules. I didn’t expect you *meant* that bit! So +if I don’t follow the rules, all.. *that*.. collapses? Well, that’s a +pretty [double bind](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Double_bind) you set +up there. Listen, +[Watzlawick](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Paul_Watzlawick)’s books +weren’t *instructions* how to mess people up. I don’t care that it +works! Don’t +[melon](http://www.koanicsoul.com/blog/2012/06/27/how-to-manifest-whatever-you-want/) +me! There are nicer ways to get what you want. I hate when you cloud +your incentives with magic talk and convoluted narratives. What do you +mean that’s the point? + +So it’s actually a triple bind? For all three possible modes of response +- [loser, clueless, +sociopath](http://www.ribbonfarm.com/the-gervais-principle/) - you’ve +set up a demand that transparently subverts it, and is in conflict with +the other two modes. The loser narrative is unbelievable because I can +see the strings, the clueless reward is nonsense because I see you +printing that toy money, the sociopath power doesn’t work because I’m +afraid what using it will do to me. If I use any option anyway, you +still win, and if I transcend their limitations, you also win. + +You’re quite the evil fuck, you know that? + +… + +…so what now?) + +--- + +What’s the saying? If you don’t know what to do, go meta. So I’ll just +document one of my recent Beeminding changes. + +Starting on 2013-02-28, I redesigned several things: I’ve started to +switch from open-ended time-based goals to finite task-based goals, +broken my big “do useful stuff” goal into smaller sub-goals, and begun +to add percentile feedback. + +I explained some of the goal organization [over on +Reddit](http://www.reddit.com/r/beeminder/comments/1e2duf/muflaxs_beeminder/c9wcevw), +relevant quote: + +> I used to just track “productive hours / day” so I don’t sit on my ass +> too much, but I started to substitute more fun projects for everything +> else, so I recently broke that up into various independent groups of +> goals: “science”, “guitar”, “code”, “polyglottery” and “job” (ugh). I +> still track the total too, but that’s more of a nuclear option (with +> the big 90\$ pledge) and I haven’t settled on a good daily goal yet. +> If I’m too harsh on any one goal, it’s more likely I just decide it’s +> not worth it and fail even though I still have plenty of time to meet +> it. + +I’ve toned down some of the time-based goals because I found “do stuff +for 20 minutes” not very motivating. There’s no sense of progress and “4 +hours” looks so large, I often didn’t even try to tackle it even when I +had plenty of time left. Instead, I’ve begun to convert everything into +a TODO list using org-mode. So for example, I’ve just turned every +chapter / unit of a textbook into one todo item, which feels much more +actionable and is done. (Also wrote [a simple +script](https://github.com/muflax/scripts/blob/master/beeminder/beeminder_org_todo.rb) +that updates Beeminder goals accordingly.[^org]) + +So far this seems to be more productive, but I’ve not been doing it for +very long. I tried a simple Bayesian comparison of a before/after +dataset, mostly to figure out how R work. I just wanted to use +[BEST](http://www.indiana.edu/~kruschke/BEST/), but the normality of +“useful hours/day” turned out very low, meaning the data doesn’t seem to +fit a normal distribution very well. After looking at a basic histogram: + +<%= image("fume_histogram.png", "Fume Histogram") %> + +I saw why. While this looks reasonably Poisson-y, I still don’t +understand the underlying assumptions and methods very well, so even +though I could hack together a simple version of “I put numbers into +this magic box and look at these funny graphs it gave me!”, that +wouldn’t be particularly useful. + +However, I just plugged my “total useful hours / day” into a simple +Beeminder “weight gain” graph (so that I can track (and then raise) my +fluctuating average), and you can still see two improvements (the first +time I broke stuff down at the end of March, and the second slope when I +transitioned to tasks): + +<%= image("fumeavg_graph.png", "Fume Average Graph") %> + +(Note that this is zoomed in and cuts off some \>6h outliers. The points +are “total useful time” for each day as logged with my time-tracking +tool, the thin line is a (slightly lagging) average.) + +I’m also trying to use this graph and a simple percentile number in +[fume](https://github.com/muflax/fume) to implement [Seth’s percentile +feedback](http://blog.sethroberts.net/2011/05/01/percentile-feedback-and-productivity/), +so instead of just seeing “I did 1.2 hours of useful stuff today”, I +also see how good that is compared to the last week. + +I’m not sure yet if it actually works in terms of increasing my +productive time (not enough data), but at least it’s more motivating and +I’ve made significant progress on several projects due to the tiny todos +that feel more like “one more turn” instead of “fix ALL the things!”. + +--- + +I got annoyed with Dropbox mangling my data and so thought, hey my +`~/spoiler` directory (i.e. all my notes, todo lists and drafts) is +already a (huge) git repository with auto-commit, so I could just use +some git solution to sync that between machines. Then all the stuff in +Dropbox is either read-only (public shares) or written by only one +machine ever (phone -\> desktop) and I won’t have sync issues anymore. +Shouldn’t be hard, right? + +What I considered: + +1. Use git-annex. Long-term that’s fine, but currently the assistant + ignores the `.gitignore` (wtf?!) and I’m beginning to develop a + deep-seated hatred against all Haskell + programmers.[^haskell] + +2. Sparkleshare is, quote, “an Open Source collaboration and sharing + tool that is designed to keep things simple and to stay out of your + way”. It’s also written in C\#. Good joke. Is funny. I laugh. + +3. dvcs-autosync is similar, but “takes a more minimalistic approach”. + Which includes no documentation, limited directory awareness and, + best of all, *requires a central repository*. It has *“distributed” + in its fucking name*. Who’d be so dement.. oh, guy uses Arch Linux. + I’m now convinced every Archer is clinically insane.[^arch] + +So there isn’t any good tool yet. Well, I could turn one of those +(probably dvcs-autosync) into something usable, but ain’t nobody got +time for that. So it’s back to my cronjob’d commit-and-pull-everything +solution until git-annex’ assistant stops sucking. (Nonetheless, I still +put “use dvcs-autosync to auto-commit based on inotify and insta-push +via git hook” on my todo, in case I *do* got time for that.) + +Sigh. + +--- + +You know what’s really annoying? Hair feedback time. + +So I wanna do this totally awesome undercut thingie[^hipster], +but it will take me months, if not a full year until some parts have +grown enough that I can pull it off, and until then I can’t do +*shit*.[^drunk] I just practice a bit by doing regular +maintenance, but how am I supposed to level up my self-sustaining +fabulousness if I can make maybe 1-2 big decisions *per year* and +mistakes might require rollbacks so large, you gonna have to wait months +just to *repeat* them? + +On the plus side, while I was going through +[http://fuckyeahundercuts.tumblr.com](http://fuckyeahundercuts.tumblr.com), +I felt - for the first time in my life - a sense of fear of being +outdated, that by the time this “just long enough to poke me in the eye” +mess has grown into something that can unambiguously blow in the wind +and has enough surface area for a dozen Hello Kitty hair bows, that by +then fashion will have moved on and I’ll look so wannabe 90’s, I might +as well buy a fedora. + +Then I remember no one cares and I go back to Pinterest. + +--- + +A mini-review of the newest [Crusader Kings +II](http://www.crusaderkings.com/) DLC, [The Old +Gods](http://www.paradoxplaza.com/games/crusader-kings-ii-the-old-gods). +It adds a new start in 867, the year Rurik decided that Russian brides +are just the best and he’s gonna grab himself some in +Novgorod[^rape], and more importantly, before the spread of +Christianity into the East. I’ve always wanted to play before the +*Ostsiedlung*, so I just jumped right into Lusatia and decided that +minority status isn’t good enough for us +[Sorbs](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sorbs), we’re gonna carve +ourselves a kingdom in the midst of Vikings, Poles, invading nomads, and +worst of all, Bavarians. + +The new raid mechanics are a beautiful addition. At first, I was just +assembling little hunting parties from time to time because I thought +that it was my duty as a Pagan to pillage, but by picking vulnerable +Christian provinces too busy with bigger assholes than me, I had quickly +transformed my fiscal policy into “whatever the Christians can’t +defend”. Greater Poland acting up because it thinks it should own +Silesia? Better “borrow” some money from the cities to the south. +Vikings landed again? Let’s make it Nürnberg’s problem and buy some +mercenaries with their gold. Once I realized I can finance the majority +of my armies with ransom money, I couldn’t help but start blasting Death +Metal and cheer the burning of churches. The Christians might worship a +pathetic god, but at least their coffers come back from the dead year +after year, ready for another harvest. + +The fascinating thing is how this high lasted for some time until some +even bigger Pagan decided I would make a nice addition to their +ever-growing list of vassals, and I realized I ain’t got no Divine Right +of Kings, I just got a big axe, and after the last succession crisis of +6 sons (did I mention those concubines?), I was exhausted and without +friends, and maybe all those saints I gladly turned into martyrs +might’ve been on to something and I should’ve taken up the Axe of the +Apostles instead. But even though the March of Progress might be against +me, and even though stability and order win in the long run and I got +neither, at least for a few decades I was feared by all and when death +inevitably comes, I won’t have any regrets. + +My sons, though, are fucked. + +<%= image("yolo.jpg", "#yolo") %> + +[^back]: + But seriously, I don’t always like to shoe-horn fragments, cool + links and “omg they didn’t just write that” parts into logs. I know + people use their FB or G+ for that, but I don’t like either site + (because at least one of them is probably run by actual soul-eating + vampires). + + I wonder if I should start a tumblr. While I don’t have angry + opinions about gender yet, I am confused about my personal identity, + sexuality, hair style and species. I would like to regularly reblog + [sassy + pugs](https://gs1.wac.edgecastcdn.net/8019B6/data.tumblr.com/390eb27ac775f1db1a416ca9172c28aa/tumblr_mnqtmuomAa1r8hf8lo1_400.gif) + and summarize complex arguments with a reaction.gif, but I’m not + sure if I’m ready to become a 15-year-old girl full-time. + + There needs to be a place that is kinda in-between FB and tumblr. A + fumblr, if you will. + +[^org]: + Beeminder has native Trello integration, which is probably a good + alternative if you’re not already familiar with org-mode. Still, + Trello doesn’t have nested items and can’t be used offline, so + that’s somewhat annoying. + +[^haskell]: + Seriously, Haskell has a worse dependency hell than the ARM code I + maintain *which still uses gcc 2.95*. Oh, I need to update a minor + library from `x.y.3` to `x.y.4`? *Every single Haskell program ever* + on my machine is now broken. I hate academics. + +[^arch]: + Sometimes I feel like ranting about Arch, but then I remember + *pacman doesn’t even have versioned packages* and I don’t think any + more needs to be said about it. At least the + [suckless](http://suckless.org/) guys make great trolls and + occasionally write cool projects. Arch just seems to rot the mind + with cargo cult minimalism. + +[^hipster]: + Look, I have strong opinions about the metaphysics and epistemology + of 19th century Dutch theologians. It’s pretty much mandatory that I + either look like Skrillex or an 80’s bum. Which isn’t mutually + exclusive, fortunately. + +[^drunk]: + I expect to get drunk sometime this week, do it anyway, freak out, + complain on Twitter, then love my decisiveness and use the + experience as yet another guilt token later, admonishing myself why + I can’t be as awesome as I used to be. That’s how I usually get + stuff done I have issues about. + +[^rape]: + As [mrout on + Reddit](http://www.reddit.com/r/CrusaderKings/comments/1f9519/the_concubine_system_is_awesome/ca7zp8l) + said, “Hey Japan! This is how you do a rape game without being weird + about it.”. diff --git a/content_daily/log/118.mkd b/content_daily/log/118.mkd new file mode 100644 index 0000000..bab1f7d --- /dev/null +++ b/content_daily/log/118.mkd @@ -0,0 +1,422 @@ +--- +title: Hamiltonian +date: 2013-08-21 +techne: :done +episteme: :log +--- + +<%= youtube("https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PI2GauQ1eiU") %> + +Hey, internet! So a lot of stuff’s been happening. As I alluded to in +some off-hand comments here and there, I’ve been busy transitioning into +adulthood, or whatever passes as that for me anyway. (I’ve internally +just begun to call it Chapter 1, and everything before now Prologue, +because I’m stupid like that.[^stupid]) + +This process is still ongoing, but instead of waiting for another 2 +months or so and then recapping, I thought I could just get back to +writing now, while stuff’s still happening. Crazy idea, I know! + +I am, in a certain sense, done with my CS degree, and as you can tell by +that weaselly phrase, I mean that I’ve dropped out instead of continuing +that torturous phase of my past for yet another year. The only real +reason I even started the degree was because I didn’t have any other +idea what else to do, and was using it to cheaply buy time. That worked +out reasonably well - in total, I got half a decade out of it, and grew +enough in the process (and met the right people, and ideas) that I now +think it was absolutely the right decision. Maybe there would’ve been +better alternatives (if so, I still don’t know what they would’ve been, +beyond a “don’t take so long to stop being lame” reminder that’s +probably only applicable with hindsight), but regardless, well done, +past-me, It wasn’t fancy or heroic, but it worked just fine. + +Still, it took me probably a good year to actually make the decision to +drop out after I knew I wasn’t gonna continue this path and had begun to +see an alternative. Sometimes more legible options appear stronger just +because they are legible. A degree is of fairly straightforward value - +you can easily look up income statistics and job requirements, compare +it to the time investment of college, there ya go - and any part that +isn’t easy to quantify gets thrown out of the evaluation. Like for +example, despising virtually all options it opens up, not having much +use for it on the paths I *do* like, and continuing now that I have +actually found said real options would just be a waste of time. + +You are now allowed to shun me based on my lack of academic credentials. +I don’t mind - destroying academia is on my todo list, and regular +reminders why it has to go probably help. + +--- + +So did I mention I actually [started a tumblr](http://muflax.tumblr.com) +for random snippets and stuff? I’m still not sure if I’m gonna use it or +anything, but nice pictures keep popping up, and maybe I end up writing +a few short thingies over there. So far I’ve mostly been reblogging +[Homestuck](http://www.mspaintadventures.com/?s=6) ships. + +Like I said over there, I’d like to eventually talk more coherently (and +not just meta, but also directly) about ships, and art, and related +things (, and the Oxford Comma), but I’m still not quite feeling it, so +maybe it’s just not the right time, or I don’t have enough interesting +things to say, or whatever. We’ll see. Anyway, it exists now. + +Look, a pug! + +--- + +So instead of being a productive member of society, I was mostly busy +with building additional pylons figuring out how to money, keeping +Mother Bureaucracy updated and working on moving in together with my +[moirail](http://mspaintadventures.wikia.com/wiki/Quadrants) +[^moirail][^otp][^language][^footnotes] +somewhere in the UK, which will happen in about 2 months when my +contract at the university runs out and I can leave the country. + +(This might be a good opportunity to point out how +[Homestuck](http://www.mspaintadventures.com/?s=6) has one of the saner +models of romance and gender, and that this is one of countless benefits +trolls bring to any story they touch.[^trolls] It also +highlights by analogy some silliness in the conventional human model by +showing similar silliness in the troll model. While some trolls insist +that *ideal* relationships divide nicely into the Four Quadrants, it’s +clear that in most cases this isn’t the case and it’s much fuzzier, even +though the quadrants still represent some important components, so wiser +trolls would realize that and take a more reasonable stance and oppose a +system that tries to enforce restrictive norms (which, for all we know, +they *do* - troll society and history is… complicated, as it should be). +But in contrast to that, trolls *already* have a much better position on +gender than the humans, who do the same essentialist “two ideal +categories” crap trolls do with the quadrants. + +So there.) + +On a completely unrelated note, I just want to note how weird it is that +“yay I’m happy” posts can cause some seriously bad side-effects, and +that I remember being personally pissed off by them in the past, +thinking something along the lines of, “well good for YOU that you’re +happy, I’m still a lonely mess”, and so even though saying (and feeling) +these things is very important, I still feel uncomfortable talking about +it, and so will abstain from any more details for now. Compassionate +community norms are *hard*, and I wanna at least think about them some +more.[^sharing] + +Regardless, actually moving (especially to a different country) means I +had to adapt some of my setups. + +I won’t be able to bring my guitar with me for now, but might be able to +fly it over next year or so. I’m kinda glad I opted for gear that is +fairly mobile, so transport should be fairly easy once I don’t also have +to bring all my *other* stuff with me. I’m still committed to the frugal +ideal that everything you own should comfortably fit into one car at +most (or you end up limiting your freedom too much), so it’s mostly the +amp that’s causing trouble (and it’s still primarily monetary concerns +that I didn’t pick an even smaller one, which oddly enough cost *more*; +if things go as they usually do, I’ll eventually just build my own). + +I’ve also gotten rid of my old PC setup. I used to have one +Frankensteinian desktop machine that I cheaply turned into a decent-ish +gaming rig, but I’ve long intended to retire it. I also had two old-ish +laptops, and loads of small drives for backups and stuff. The desktop +was kinda the central machine and everything else synced with it. I now +switched to one fancy 13-inch MacBook (still running Gentoo, after some +headaches), kept my +[keyboard](http://www.diatec.co.jp/en/det.php?prod_c=763) and mouse for +work that requires them, and put the two large 1.5TB drives from my +desktop (which mirror each other) into a portable NAS. My total space +capacity went down a bit that way, and I lost the ability to play some +high-end games (for now), but meh. (I still kept the old netbook for +some additional mobility though, but it’s semi-retired.) + +That simplifies my synchronization and backup needs somewhat. All +small-ish things are automatically copied to various online places. Each +laptop does a daily backup to the NAS, which also stores most of the big +media via git-annex. The NAS runs a custom Debian, so it’s also a server +for all kinds of minor things, including Nethack. Every time I get my +hands on any other drive I copy as much data onto it as I can fit +(because why not; I just put my old drives in a box at my parents’ - no +reason to throw them out), but that’s now gonna be a maybe-once-a-year +event. (Also, git-annex on an SSD is finally fast enough to be fully +usable.) + +I was afraid that losing my two big monitors would hurt the most, but +because I spend most of my time in a text editor or browser anyway, it’s +actually not a big deal. Workspaces work just as well as additional +monitors, and 13 inches is plenty. The only thing that’s a pain is if I +still had to use Eclipse for Java work, but screw that - I’m finally in +pure Ruby and Haskell nirvana. (I wouldn’t *reject* more monitors if I +had them available, but I’m not gonna try to carry any around with me +either.) And finally, not having a “central” machine I can’t move means +I can now easily snuggle up next to someone and still code, regardless +where said person happens to be. That’s *so* much more important than +screen size. + +I still feel kinda sentimental about a “cabin in the woods” setup with +lots of ancient hardware that runs some custom setup where you wrote +half the tools (as I used to run for the last few years, and would like +to have again some time), so having just one main machine (and one +server-in-a-box) is kinda weird. + +Guess I’m a nomad now. + +--- + +Hahaha, oh man. Do you guys remember how over a year ago, I made a List +Of All My Problems? It was like 260 items long and I thought, yeah, +that’s probably *it* - some issues might’ve been vague, sure, and others +irrelevant, but I didn’t think I’d have forgotten anything important. +Who doesn’t know what their Main Issues are, right? + +I recently looked at this list again and it’s *ridiculous*. It’s not +just incredibly petty sometimes, many things that have deeply bothered +me for years and are reason enough to plunge me into suicidality +whenever they seem unfixable aren’t even on there! + +It’s liberating when radical agnosticism shifts from not knowing most +answers to not even being sure about the questions. If I don’t even know +what my real problems are, how can I possibly be upset about them? + +(Also basically everything important on that list has been fixed by +now.) + +--- + +So what’s next? + +Step 1, the prototype: teach a complex skill and make it no longer hard. + +After considering various options in detail[^options], we’ve +decided to start with German for English speakers. Because we’re still +developing the courses and improving our teaching skills (well, learning +from scratch based on ancient scrolls, really), we’re gonna spend a few +months solely on that and in-person testing, and then Disturb The Peace. + +So if you wanna learn German For Reals Without All The Tedium And Crap +(or just wanna meet up with me and talk whatever (I’m totes sociable now +(when I’m not a paranoid ball of anxiety (but I now have a superweapon +against that (it’s not nested parentheses (just in case you +wondered)))))), and you’re somewhere in the UK, just leave a comment or +[contact me](/contact/) in any way you want, and I’ll put you on The +List and try to make stuff happen as soon as I’m able. (Once the thing +has been sufficiently tested, there will be an automated, and more +importantly, online version, of course. Can’t change the world with just +one meager town and face-to-face interaction, but direct feedback makes +early development so much easier, so yeah.) + +(Step 2-10 are left unmentioned to maintain the Unspoken Plan Guarantee. +Things will become clearer eventually.) + +--- + +Regardless, that means the next few months are completely filled up by +logistics, development and being amazed how I can continue to fall even +more in love every day. Some of that might eventually get better, some +might not, but I don’t expect too much writing to happen for a while, +unless I find a way to harvest the power of smooching to produce some +wicked posts. (I’ve also lost parts of my writing urges for various +reasons[^reasons], some likely permanently so, but these things +come and go. I’ve had quiet years and hypergraphic years before.) + +In terms of kinda-planned drafts, I’ve begun to write down my way too +elaborate Jesus RPG campaign. I’ve given up on ever running it and just +want it out of my head. I’m about 4k words in, might actually finish the +thing soon enough, maybe start posting it in small-ish installments once +I’ve sketched out the whole post structure. + +So overall, I think it’s a good idea to just declare Mission +Accomplished for the daily logs. I’ve done my first crazy miracle and +I’m busy working on the next. This site is now officially “whenever, +whatever”, as long as its kinda coherent. The rest goes to the tumblr. + +… + +Man, [being an adult](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gAYL5H46QnQ) is +*awesome*. + +[^stupid]: + This is stupid for several reasons: + + - it smushes everything before now into one Prologue, when really + there are multiple clear “everything changed forever” events + during that time (e.g. first anime, first time taking Ayahuasca, + first website (on a shittier version of Geocities, no less)) and + there’s no overarching unified progression during the whole + thing (like, Batman loses his parents in his prologue - what one + critical thing happened to me, exactly?) + - it places great emotional importance on events that haven’t even + unfolded yet, like I have secret insights into God’s Narrative + or sumthin’ + - it uses linear narratives, not + [shandified](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wvwlt4FqmS0) ones + (who’s to say I won’t *return* to Chapter 1 at some later + point?) + - it implicitly assumes one arc has one theme, or at most several + exactly parallel ones; in other words, whatever Chapter 1 is + about *ends* with Chapter 1, and if some other stuff happens + during that time, it either has to end there too, or it must + just not be what my life is really about + - it strongly suggest there must chapters after it, thus + undermining my ability to Fix Everything Forever Like I’m Made + Out Of Pure Fixeverythingium + - and seriously, “1”? you can’t even name it something cool, like + The One With The Robot Snake? + +[^moirail]: + Don’t know what a moirail is? [Read the + link](http://mspaintadventures.wikia.com/wiki/Quadrants). While the + concept strongly overlaps with “bros” and similar things, these tend + to not get the romantic component of it, or imply weird ideas like + how this kind of relationship is inherently asexual (fuck no), + partially I suspect because just mainstream romance/sexuality + discourse is retarded, so I’m declaring a Special Snowflake + Exception for “moirail”, as it seems easier to repair these + misconceptions in a troll-originated concept, than to get [bros to + finally suck + cock](http://www.reddit.com/r/explainlikeIAmA/comments/1j3uo9/explain_the_term_bromance_like_you_are_a_deeply/) + and not feel guilty about it. + + Incidentally, the pronunciation of “moirail” is delightfully trolly. + Personally, I use “meow-rail” for normal use, and “mwah-rail” (with + implied kissing) when flirting. + +[^otp]: + I’d also like to note that even though this establishes a canon (and + muflax-endorsed) \<\> and \<3 dual-ship of muflax+Owen (and I’d + argue in favor of OTP here), this only expresses my (and Owen’s, and + arguably the universe’s author’s) opinion, and is no reason to + abandon other ships or your personal headcanon. I oppose any central + authority on these matters, even if it might happen to agree with + me. + + (I also find it really weird to use two different types of names, + but I wanna be consistent about only using “muflax” for now, even + though using my first name would allow for an S+O=SO pun, but then I + hate the “SO” term, so nevermind…) + + I’ve only dabbled in o8\< (mostly by not-always-intentionally + trolling certain people by acting as a proxy for mindfucky ideas by + other (crazier) people, and so leading them to write wonderful “the + fuck is this stuff even about?! I never knew about X until last + week, and now I’ve realized I’ve hated it MY ENTIRE LIFE!” posts; I + noticed I’m doing this when friends in 6th grade told me I was the + one who introduced them to kink, somehow), and I’m totally lacking + in \<3\<. I mean, I kinda hate + [Polycarp](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Polycarp) but not quite + enough, and if the [alveolar + trill](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Alveolar_trill) were a person, + I’d wanna have angry hatesex with it so hard, but I’m not sure that + counts. + + So the most promising shipping research topic is probably who my + arch-nemesis is gonna be. Somehow I mostly get into fights with + concepts, not people. + +[^language]: + Also, I’m *really* unhappy with established terms to talk about + “person who I love, like, THIIIIS much”. Like (girl|boy)friend? Fuck + that. “partner”? Like, the government gets to call ‘em “partner” if + it wants, and I find it kinda adorable what weirdly formal language + it comes up with, but it’s not really a very affectionate label, is + it? Seriously, all options are either super-formal, horrible or real + silly. (I’m *never* gonna use “SO”. This is too stupid even for me.) + I’d be ok with “lover” if it didn’t have this connotation that it + isn’t a serious thing, or “mate” if Australians hadn’t ruined it. So + for now until I find a term (neologic if necessary) I’m happy with, + I expect to mood-swing through “partner”, “moirail”, “love” (and I + really wanna use “hon”, but then I’m tempted to practice a Southern + accent all day and never get anything else done), and whatever else + feels slightly less awkward that day. + + Man, /language/, amirite? + +[^footnotes]: + That’s a lot of footnotes for one word! It’s as if there’s a + correlation with how important the topic is to me, or the thing it + refers to… + +[^trolls]: + Seeker, wear the [troll + hide](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Guy_Fawkes_mask), learn [the + signs of the + dakinis](http://buddhism-for-vampires.com/dakinis-karma-mudra) and + wander into the [Bohemian + forest](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Moulin_Rouge!), where you will + find a [four-headed statue](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Perun) + proclaiming Beauty, Freedom, Truth and Love, which grants liberation + to all who know the magic song. A servant of [Grandma + Bonylegs](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Baba_Yaga) once sung it to + me, but I can never quite [keep it in my + head](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MvFpJBJSPRA)… + + +[^sharing]: + Part of my writing philosophy has always been “write what I actually + wanna read more of”, and so I’m pissed at myself that I *don’t* + share a lot more here, cause this is exactly what I’d love to read + about, and so not doing it is a concession to lameness itself. But + I’m also paranoid about various perverse incentives and + substitutions (i.e. writing more about the thing than actually doing + the thing, or in this case, person (BOOM FLAWLESS INNUENDO)), and so + for now I’m gonna be mostly silent while I think it through. + + The other problem is that *this stuff is hard to write about*. It’s + weird how “this is not a *real* medium” is one of those statements + that *incredibly* piss me off, like every time someone says “games + aren’t art” or “but you can’t trust someone over *text*” (aside from + the retarded conceptions of “art” and “trust” that underlie this + nonsense), and so *not being able to write about something* because + I just wouldn’t know how is a deep moral failure for me, and when I + find myself thinking “I can’t write about that, who would want to + read that?!, and anyway, I don’t even know how to english it to + begin with”, I feel like I’m Failing At Life, and everything that + matters *at all* gets betrayed because of some stupid sense of + boundaries or expectations. + + So I gotta figure something out, and beat this old narrative machine + into a decent enough approximation of half my feels. Just gimme some + time to adjust. + +[^options]: + Also considered, among other things: + + - different places, most importantly Canada (but their bureaucracy + tries to cockblock me as hard as it can while still claiming + they want valuable immigration with a straight face), and Berlin + (not ideal for the skill set we currently have, but I’d still + like to re-visit at some point in the near future, maybe in the + form of some grand Europe Tour) + - different language, primarily French (possibly the next one), + Japanese (would love to do it next, but I really want either + more teaching experience or a fluent speaker to work with first, + so it had to wait) and English (not enough resources right now) + - math and physics up to undergraduate level or so (much harder to + get a properly incentivized audience, but real high up on the + list and long-term mandatory (and I like everything about it, + including teaching it), but not the right thing to bootstrap + with) + - different timeline / “business model” / major reordering of The + Plan (long story, but tl;dr: everything else is predictably + stupid-in-retrospect, and so doesn’t make sense) + +[^reasons]: + Various reasons: + + - much lower need for outside approval, and actively working on + lowering it even more; [Arline’s + Mantra](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/What_Do_You_Care_What_Other_People_Think%3F) + “What Do *You* Care What Other People Think?” helps a lot to + clarify and work through these issues, but kills ranty blogs + dead + - after some discussions with + [David](http://meaningness.com/metablog/how-to-think) and Owen, + I’m pretty strongly in the “most philosophy (i.e. the stuff I + talked about a lot) has only negative value by removing + misconceptions” camp now, so the only interesting stuff for me + is foundational stuff that directly leads to engineering stuff, + and so I find myself only reading Skinner, Mill and similar + folks, if even that + - too sane; I kinda have a tendency to get worked up about stupid + shit (in entertaining ways, at least, but still) when I don’t + have a calming influence in my life; have that now, feel much + less crazy (except in a good way) + - speaking of Feynman and craziness, you gotta *do* crazy shit + occasionally so you can later *talk about it*; currently in that + phase diff --git a/content_daily/pigs/fume_histogram.png b/content_daily/pigs/fume_histogram.png new file mode 100644 index 0000000..3dd2f11 Binary files /dev/null and b/content_daily/pigs/fume_histogram.png differ diff --git a/content_daily/pigs/fumeavg_graph.png b/content_daily/pigs/fumeavg_graph.png new file mode 100644 index 0000000..da28271 Binary files /dev/null and b/content_daily/pigs/fumeavg_graph.png differ diff --git a/content_daily/pigs/wishyouwerehere.jpg b/content_daily/pigs/wishyouwerehere.jpg new file mode 100644 index 0000000..ec71569 Binary files /dev/null and b/content_daily/pigs/wishyouwerehere.jpg differ diff --git a/content_daily/pigs/yolo.jpg b/content_daily/pigs/yolo.jpg new file mode 100644 index 0000000..c48c824 Binary files /dev/null and b/content_daily/pigs/yolo.jpg differ