2011-11-24 23:18:49 +01:00
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---
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title: Devil's Guide to Theology
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date: 2011-11-24
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2012-01-21 01:34:47 +01:00
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techne: :wip
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2011-11-24 23:18:49 +01:00
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episteme: :fiction
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---
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*You awake in front of a great lake of fire. Before you can orient yourself,
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something that looks like a demon gives you a booklet and says, "Here, read
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this. And pay attention. You're next."*
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Welcome to [Catuṣkoṭi][Catuskoti] [Naraka][], the great Hell of Contradictions!
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All those that have held self-contradictory beliefs or have acted against them
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in full knowledge are tortured here, until Great King [Yamāntaka][Yamantaka]
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brings forth the End Of Death Itself, leading all beings to joyful cessation.
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But fear not! You are not one of the damned. You have been incarnated in the
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ranks of the demons who bring to light the contradictions that rest within all
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corrupt mortals. This is a [great opportunity][Hell Employee]! An amazing career
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awaits you. You may even be promoted into the King's own court, where the most
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patient of demons lead the worst of all corruptors into contradiction, thus
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damning them till the end of times. Maybe you will even be the one who brings
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down [Nāgārjuna][Nagarjuna], the Despot of Delusion himself!
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But let's not get ahead of ourselves here. Right now, you work for
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[His Left Hand][Satan]. He has claimed your soul Himself, and by doing so, He
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has proven his trust in your abilities. He has spared you from the drudgery of
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contradicting politicians and other transparent liars. Instead, your target will
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be the religious flocks and their elaborate theologies. One day, we may expand
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into philosophy, too. His Left Hand has expressed great interest in this area
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after His recent [fiddling victory][Devil Pascal]. But the
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[Erisian Conspiracy][Discordianism] is doing a good job with those pesky
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philosophers already, so we aren't in a big hurry.
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Your job is it to seek out the believers His Left Hand has chosen for damnation
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and make them contradict themselves. Unfortunately, you aren't allowed to trick
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them. The Great King doesn't like that. Some [old Chinese sage][Wang Yangming]
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convinced him that one cannot morally believe a contradiction, or some such. The
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details are ancient history. Anyway, so they have to contradict themselves, in
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all honesty and sincerity. They have to *willingly embrace* a contradiction.
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Sounds hard? Don't worry! This is what this book is for! In cooperation with the
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Koan Studies Institute, we, the Assembly of [Kerghan][], have assembled a
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comprehensive list of theological positions you will encounter in the wild, and
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various approaches to lead their adherents into contradiction. Damnation has
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never been easier! Just follow these recommendations and you will fulfill your
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soul quota in no time!
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# The Devil's Guide to Theology
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[Catuskoti]: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Catu%E1%B9%A3ko%E1%B9%ADi
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[Naraka]: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Naraka
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[Yamantaka]: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Yamantaka
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[Hell Employee]: http://feelafraidcomic.com/60.php
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[Nagarjuna]: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Nagarjuna
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[Satan]: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Satan
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[Devil Pascal]: http://squid314.livejournal.com/301735.html
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[Discordianism]: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Discordianism
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[Wang Yangming]: http://www.iep.utm.edu/wangyang/#H4
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[Kerghan]: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cMZi217RUUY
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